Harden up cupcakes – Good enough for the troops, good enough for you

The Media party are all having a wail about having to shit in a bucket on the flight up to Fiji.

The Media party decided to travel for free with the PM up to his visit in Fiji. Clearly they were more focussed on scoring a free trip to Fiji without realising that the PM was flying directly to Suva and landing at Nausori airport. For those who have never flown into Nausori it is rather agricultural to say the least. It is in fact a regional airport with a runway length of just 1868m. To put that in perspective Wellington airport is 2081m and considered rather short for commercial flights.

Normal commercial airliners operated from NZ like the Boeing 737 or the A320 could all land there but they would be struggling to take off again with their require runway length for takeoff being several football field longer than Nausori. So it was a C-130 Hercules that was flown from NZ to Suva, because even the small Boeing 757 operated by the Air Force can’t go into Nausori.

Now I don’t know about you dear readers but I’ve been in the back of a C-130 Hercules…and comfort is not what it was built for. It is a military transport plane. That said the facilities are good enough for our troops but obviously not good enough for the pampered bottoms of our luvvies in the  Media party.

Red Tracy is upset about the toilet facilities on a Hercules:

I’m balanced on one leg with my pants down and all that stands between me and a plane full of diplomats, military personnel, journalists and the prime minister’s delegation is a tarpaulin hanging from the roof.

These are the “facilities” on board the Air Force Hercules, prime minister John Key’s other “VIP plane” during international travel.

The loo is a bucket and I’ve just lost the toilet roll down the side.  

I’m scrabbling desperately to retrieve it while clutching the tarpaulin in one hand to stop someone bursting in. It gives new meaning to the fear of being caught with your pants down.

The usual mode of transport with the prime minister – when he’s not flying commercially  – is the Air Force 757.

But the 757 is too big for this trip which is why we’re all flying into Fiji on a Hercules for Key’s first official visit there as prime minister

Did it occur to Red Tracy to take a commercial flight a day earlier?

Red Claire is also upset but potentially reveals the cause of their need to an urgent piss in a bucket:

The Prime Minister and his entourage flew to Fiji on the RNZAF Hercules rather that the usual Boeing 737, which is too big to land at Suva.

The Hercules is usually used to shuttle troops and supplies around rather than VIPs. It lacks the usual VIP accoutrements – even the toilet is just a bucket with a curtain around it.

However the crew had managed to improvise a few luxury touches, including a ‘bar’ rigged up in the middle of the cargo area to serve a lunchtime glass of wine.

Perhaps if they hadn’t partaken in the free piss put on offer by the Air Force then they might not have needed the “bucket”.

But seriously, these whingers are proving precisely what Frank Bainimarama said about them. They are petulant little princesses too special to piss in a bucket. If it is good enough for the troops of the NZ Army then it should be good enough for the pampered arses of our Media party.


-Fairfax, NZ Herald

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.