I am a leftie so that makes me…



Inspired by an article on Stuff, I have decided to gauge what New Zealanders think about left-wing culture in a tongue-and-cheek move to try to change people’s perceptions.

Please finish the following sentence in the comments. The one with most upvotes wins.

Feel free to be negative, positive and also humorous. I do ask that you refrain from being crude or plain nasty.


I am a leftie so that makes me…

Before you start here are some pictures to get your creative juices flowing.







THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

  • NahYeah

    I am a leftie so that makes me, unable to see right.

  • Seriously?

    …correct, and you wrong.

  • NahYeah

    A burden to society.

  • Sally

    I am a leftie so that makes me cack handed

    • Seriously?

      Or in podiatric terms Catholic?

  • Seriously?

    … yellow: a mix of green with envy and red with rage.

  • wanarunna

    I am a leftie, so that makes me more qualified to know what is good for you than you are.

  • Tiger

    If a leftie’s brain controls the right side of their body, then that explains why they always have their right hand out…

    • Luke Lucas

      both hands

  • Pluto

    I am a leftie so that makes me… open minded, non-judgemental, inclusive and caring – you idiotic right-wing facist dog

  • R&BAvenger

    I am a leftie so that makes me blind to the realities of the world.
    The world owes me a living , every thing should be free and the rich should be taxed more to provide everything for those with less. The world is doomed by global warming unless we do something, deep down I am a fascist and communist..

  • Des

    …stupidly dangerous.

  • Grumpy of Onehunga

    I am a leftie so that makes me the sort of person who isn’t capable of posting intelligently on this website…or on any other site for that matter.

  • Bob Dazzler

    I am a leftie so I am a loser, also a member of the Greens or Labour party.

  • Greg M

    I am a leftie so that makes me…still waiting in the queue for my common sense handout.

  • Sticktotheknitting

    I am a leftie. Aagh wash my mouth out with soap and water I lied.

  • Seriously?

    … the opposition.

  • Usaywot

    I am a lefty so that means I am a teacher, an academic, a trade unionist and/or not very bright.
    Edit added one word for clarity

  • Huia

    I am a leftie so I am special.
    You owe me, you have to support, feed, house, educate and look after me (our great leader Angry said so.
    You rich pricks should give me have half of what you have worked for, or I will scream racism, sexism, and every other ‘ism’ I can think of, I will run to the media and cry about you not caring enough to mollycoddle me and now my feelings are hurt.
    We are going to rule the world, we have so many good ideas. (choke).

  • NahYeah

    I am a leftie so that makes me…….

    able to hate Chinese and Jews, without being racist
    able to embrace Islam, without being mysoginist
    able to complain about illegal hacking, while profiting from illegally hacked data
    able to criticise those with flash beach houses, while owning flash beach houses
    able to call whale oil “biased”, but the standard “fair”

    I could actually go on all night…stopping now.

  • Karma

    I am a leftie so that makes me thing everything that’s yours is mine, and everything that is mine, is mine.

  • Mick Ie

    I’m a lefty so I can never see anything good or right with the World.

  • Sally

    I am a leftie so that makes me able to live in a nice house in a leafy suburb without being called a rich prick.

  • Carl

    I’m a male leftie but identify as a female so can use any toilet I want without being questioned by others.

  • cows4me

    I’m a leftie so that makes me entitled to your wealth, entitled to a totally free education, entitled to a state house with broad band internet and sky tv, entitled to unlimited breeding at state costs, entitled to free health care. I hate guns except those belonging to the state, I love censorship for the chosen few and I especially love to tell you how to live your life. Thank God I like other views but suffer great shock if they are not mine.

  • Eddie

    I’m a lefty so that makes me right. Always.

  • shykiwibloke

    I am a leftie so that makes me comprehensively outraged at this Twitter crisis #TrendyLeftyBuzzwordBingo

  • Ford

    I am a lefty and therefore think that Venezuela is the poster child for an effective and successful socialist state. Any teething problems are due solely to the evil USA.

  • Dave of the West Bank

    I am a lefty – you can tell by my sheer nastiness.

  • Brian Dingwall

    From a letter to the editor of today’s Waikato Times (I kid you not)
    I’m a lefty and I believe:
    it is capitalism that dodges taxes
    it is capitalism that creates global warming
    it is capitalism that creates the poor
    it is capitalism that creates the gap between rich and poor…….
    the state should have control of the basics: employment, education, health, housing, transport, electricity, phonees, and food etc

    be afraid, the deluded live amongst us, and their vote is worth exactly the same as ours is….

    • Kapow!

      You make an excellent point. This delusion knows no bounds.
      Capitalism allows the free trade of cool stuff for other cool stuff.
      Socialism steals from people how work and save to give to those that dont.

  • Brian Dingwall

    I’m a lefty, and if I have any problem whatsoever (laziness, obesity, being violent, poverty, ignorance, a drug habit, getting my apostrophes in the wrong place) it’s the state’s fault, they must fix it (actually it is almost certainly that awful Key’s personal fault).
    I’m a lefty and I have, by dint of living in the same country as you, an infrangible claim (collected by the state) against your income whenever I’m a bit short (which is all the time)

  • sandalwood789

    The brain diagram is missing a “blame Israel” synapse.

  • Steve (North Shore)

    I am a leftie, so I am not responsible for anything I do, it’s your fault

  • luke

    I am a leftie, which means I am never right

  • spanishbride

    I’m a Leftie and I believe that Islamic terrorism is caused by the evil US of A
    I’m a Leftie who is intellectually superior to all you sleepy hobbits

  • JLS

    …smugly think I have all of the answers, sneer and jeer at anyone who is wealthy and self made and snidely make comments about how greedy and selfish they are, and condescend to help the less well off by making them dependent upon my benevolence.

  • sandalwood789

    “I’m a leftie so that makes me know that everything bad is the fault of America, Israel or “the rich”. ”

    “I’m a leftie so that means I’m blind to the hypocrisy of my ideology.”

    “I’m a leftie and only lefties can be caring and kind. ”

    “I’m a leftie so that means that I don’t have to support my position with facts, reason and logic – shouting and screaming beat them.”

  • Bluemanning

    I am a leftie and it makes me go red on the face and shout all the time when I don’t get my own way or lose an argument, some might say more than a Little?

  • understater

    I am a leftie, therefore I am outraged.

    I am a leftie, therefore your holding any contradictory opinion is micro-aggression and your daring to voice it is hate speech.

  • Metricman

    I am a leftie, so that make me, through my self-indulgent idealistic illogical view of the world, inevitably left right out. That’s why I am almost permanently outraged, I did it to myself.

  • Luke Lucas

    I am a leftie, why, because it suits my situation right now…

  • BMSKiwi

    I am a leftie so I hate the way capitalism distributes blessings unequally, but love the way socialism distributes misery with complete equality.*

    *Apologies to W.S. Churchill

  • Luke Lucas

    has this page been hacked by the left? It’s behaving very strangely!

  • Peter

    The brain is missing “I cheat on my taxes because rich people should pay more taxes, not me”.