Sir Bob Jones on Colin Craig

Bob goes where others fear to tread – criticism of Mr Colin Craig

At times I worried for the judge and jury’s safety during the Williams-Craig libel trial. Certainly no one would have been surprised if Her Honour had cried out “man the lifeboats” or at least demanded the issuing of life-jackets for all present, given the Biblical-scale flood of wetness exhibited by the key protagonists.

We all know Craig is saturated, so much so I actually felt sorry for him. Hitting on him was bullying as he was simply far too easy a target, thus after that bleak bugger Russell Norman took an unfair poke at him I went to his defence in my NZ Herald column. Craig, however, did his usual thing and ludicrously announced he was suing Norman but then he was always claiming he was suing people for libel. That the only libel action he has actually experienced has him on the receiving end is rather ironic.

Being exposed over his pre-pubertyish flutterings re his former secretary is of little moment for, when it comes to sexual obsessions, as we all know from personal experience, insanity is the main characteristic, albeit obvious only after the passing of the years, and no one except, apparently, Phil Goff is immune. I say that as inexplicably during all of this public scout-masterish courtroom drowning display over not even hand-holding for God’s sake, (a single kiss has been shockingly alleged but is hotly disputed) Phil, totally missing the point, felt an urge to indirectly participate and chimed in announcing he’d only ever had it off with his wife.

Thanks for that.   

All of which brings me back to Craig, and the almost as saturated Jordan Williams, as evidenced by this case. In particular, I was hugely looking forward to seeing the hitherto unrevealed siren at the centre of this rather tragic Craig lusting, tragic in its literary form that is. But it’s even more tragic now we’ve seen the photos. How can I possibly put this diplomatically? I can’t, other than to say when she told the Court she was a good Christian girl, no-one would ever possibly doubt her. And as for Jordan Williams, well the account of his sobbing while Mummy gave evidence of how he is now a broken boy after Craig’s pamphleting poke at him, was stomach-churning. Williams is full of bravado and self-assurance with his excellent Taxpayer Union revelations but who’d want to be in the trenches with him, his principal weapon being one suspects whimpering cries for Mummy to save him. Alternatively, perhaps it was all an act to elicit jury sympathy but if so then at a hell of a reputation cost, a common enough outcome from libel trials.

Jury trials are especially useful when one side is extremely unlikable, apart from the facts.

Colin’s so bloody wet I still genuinely feel sorry for him. Seduced by sudden but ever fickle fame he spent money I doubt he can afford as no one gets rich through property management.

Ah.  Astute.  So the money comes from….?

He strikes me as a decent but incredibly unworldly fellow who’s way out of his depth in the rough and tumble political arena. I suppose all of this has provided some entertainment, a point noted a week ago by a NZ Herald commentator who hearkened back to a golden age when libel trials were a regular entertainment feature of New Zealand life, although he added, seemingly mostly involving either me or Rob Muldoon, and of course one glorious three-week trial when Rob unsuccessfully sued me. Before that I occasionally discussed these experiences with Muldoon. Unlike me, who never lost one, Rob had a jaundiced view of juries, rightly arguing that he had won one he should not have won (Des Monaghan) and lost one he should have won (a wanker academic).

And then Bob ends on his usual flourish…

There are three definite and one possible winners out of this case. First the government as this Jane Austen-ish Victorian melodrama will mark the demise of Craig’s Party. It gained nearly 4.2% of the 2014 ballot, being votes largely taken from National.

But while Colin won’t immediately see it that way, and despite the probable costly outcome, he will also be a winner as this nonsense should mark an end to his political aspirations which, aside from the public attention he appears seduced by, has brought him only grief.

Also a big winner is the lesbian movement for after reading all of this Williams and Craig display of New Zealand manhood, girls will flock in droves to enlist, and who can possibly blame them?

To put a cap on this affair I suggest the Prime Minister becomes a double winner by appointing Colin as our next poet laureate. A bold move to be sure, but my God, what joy it would bring us all.


– Bob Jones, NBR

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.