After reading an article by a husband who has justified to himself his wife sleeping around with other men I have the following observations to make. If feminist men are anything like this feminist man then…
Feminist men make women as wet as the Sahara desert. Feminist men will do anything to please their woman, they will even sacrifice their dignity. Feminist men do not have an equal relationship with their woman they are subordinate.
…my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo.
…If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.
Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract. When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level. I am an economically dependent househusband coping with the withering drudgery of child-rearing…
…Diaper bag notwithstanding, I was still a Man. It wasn’t until my wife mentioned one evening that she’d kissed another man and liked it and wanted to do more than kiss next time that I realized how my status as a Man depended on a single fact: that my wife REDACTED only me.
…She didn’t present it as an issue of feminism to me, but after much soul-searching about why the idea of my wife having sex with other men bothered me I came to a few conclusions: Monogamy meant I controlled her sexual expression, and, not to get all women’s-studies major about it, patriarchal oppression essentially boils down to a man’s fear that a woman with sexual agency is a woman he can’t control.
…When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself. When I understood that, I finally became a feminist.
What a certifiable idiot. If she wanted to experiment sexually she could do it with him. There are many things a married couple can do to spice up their sex life. All it takes is a bit of effort, date nights, weekends away together, sexy lingerie, massage oil, dress ups, maybe some bondage and a few sex toys ( or so I have heard cough, cough. ) If she is choosing instead to do the sexually adventurous things without him it is a rejection.
It is no coincidence that her desire to sleep around occurred after they swapped gender roles. Women want a man who provides for them and brings home the bacon. When it comes to sex a man who can take control is a lot more exciting than one who likes to submit. When he became the house husband he lost some of his sexual appeal and by not standing up to her and asserting himself when she said she wanted to sleep around his appeal dropped even lower.
That was two years ago, and today we’ve never been happier, more in tune, closer, tighter, stronger. Whatever power I surrendered, I don’t miss. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but I tell everyone it works for us.
…Going out alone to hooking up with others was an easy transition. It does work both ways and, yes, I too enjoy sexual carte blanche. I just don’t use mine as much as my wife uses hers. What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.
How does it feel? It feels great … mostly.
There are of course moments of jealousy, resentment, and insecurity.
…What surprises most people is when I tell them it’s not the sex-with-other-men that bothers me. The sex is the easy part, the fun part. It’s what the sex connects to, stands for, reveals that can be difficult. I don’t want her to fall in love with anyone else, and every time she goes on a date, I confront the possibility that she might…