Master Chef – Parliament Edition

Guest post

Secret plans for a new Master Chef edition have been found on the steps of Parliament and leaked exclusively to Whaleoil…

“As per the rules, each team has to present their menus’ on the blackboards of participating fish & chip shops up until September 22 before the Big Cook-off. The menu liked and delivered best as judged by the diners on September 23, will win all the baubles of the kitchen for an entire 3 years. For the winner, any recipes as promised to the hungry public can then just be ignored, or even, just made up as you like from then on. May the best chefs win!

Final Team Menu’s as submitted –  

Team Hone – Diet Hangi – all steam & no hangi whatsoever.

Team Maori – Maori bread & boil up, washed down with a generous grievance gravy train of room temperature Waikato Swap-a-crate.

Team Green Party – Free Range “herbal” tea & cookies. (GE/GF/V) Served sitting in a solar-powered Yurt utopia vacuum environment, doing charades of mooring block impersonations for election partners, singing Kimbuya, playing the banjo.

Team ACT – Having takeaways delivered – depending on who has a special on that night

Team TOP – Overdone, stewed feline, served North Korean style – as insipid soup without cutlery. Served with 50% GST. Diners can bid for seating reservations on TradeMe.

Team Conservatives – A loaf of bread, a fish and water that will become wine. Teamed with generous portions of hot cross buns (without the hot… or the buns.) Served theatrically and poetically by a grumpy court jester.

Team Winston 1st – A healthy smorgasbord serving of smashed and mercilessly smeared Whiskey flambéd, non-imported, well-smoked greens over scampi. Diners won’t say “NO” to this!

Team Labour – Skewered greens pizza with absolutely no pineapple, pizazz or soul. Union’d with liberal clusters of omni-shamble policy flop dead rats, dressed up as pork, with a lipstick-red saucy reach for diner credibility, forlornly harangued all over the electorates in steaming dollops.

Team National – Budget Surplus pizza with sumptuous pineapple chunks of lower taxes, dripping with liberal surprises of delicious results. Rubbed in generously all over laboured & skewered, slow-roasted, smeared greens. Proudly delivered all over a Left block platter… and for added enjoyment and culinary theatre, this feast also comes with extra-large napkins soaked in chardonnay with each hand-wrung napkin having endless tears on the left.    


– blokeintakapuna

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