Just a swipe to the right

Barry Soper discusses negotiations so far.

If the current political courting was being played out on the dating site Tinder, the ruggedly handsome Bill English would be constantly checking his phone, desperately hoping for a swipe to the right, confirming a hook up.

His index finger would’ve been sore, frequently swiping to the right on the wily old silver fox Winston Peters’ profile which tends to put a dating prospect off. But being the old fashioned, conservative type, Peters would simply have left him hanging.

I think he means Grindr.

The recently posted profile of Jacinda Ardern has just been sitting there. She knows she’ll get a right swipe, it’s just a matter of time.

She will never swipe right…she is a a hard core communist…she will always swipe left, which is ironic as that is what the electorate will do once they get sick of hearing her warble on about having conversations. If she becomes PM she is going to discover that you have to make decisions. Those decisions will annoy people. You can’t make everyone happy all of the time. That will stress her and she will quit. I give her six months.

English becomes impatient, he desperately makes an unsolicited call to Peters, who he unashamedly and unwisely tells the public, who doesn’t pick up. The indication was that the power broker was playing hard to get.

In reality Peters tells us he was in a cell phone black spot in Northland and by the time he was back within dating range it was too late to call English. He seems to have forgotten though, the National leader’s sent texts during the wee small hours in the past.

But this is all part of a strategy by the dateless and desperate National Party to spook Peters and to show him he’s not the only Tinder prospect.

It is a pretty stupid strategy and one that Winston won and Bill lost.

It all started last week with Paula Bennett again floating the idea of doing business with The Greens, suggesting they like her climate change policy. Yeah, well if they liked it that much they wouldn’t have campaigned to change her government.

Add to that the outburst by Jim Bolger, who you could be forgiven for believing was the mastermind of MMP and certainly the man who can negotiate tough deals with the toughest of customers. In reality he got the nod from Peters over Helen Clark in 1996 simply because he was prepared to give away more, like the Treasurer’s job.

But Bolger says they should now be doing a deal with The Greens which most certainly would be a change of Government. And his views were backed up by a former Key Minister Wayne Mapp who came into Parliament the same year the deal with Peters was being brokered.

Like anything Wayne Mapp has to say from his comfortable shoes is worth listening to. He was always wetter than a spastic’s chin.

The strategy is to show Peters that he’s not the only cab off the rank but it runs the very real risk of backfiring and antagonising the New Zealand First leader.

The Greens James Shaw has from the beginning given Bill English the left swipe and for the PM to now get on the blower to him would simply confirm their desperation.

As it is, Peters has now given right swipes to both English and Ardern and has confirmed dates with them this week. They’ll both go on second dates next week where both are hanging out for the right swipe, which will come down to the best dowry on offer and the one who has antagonised him less.

First up best dressed and the one that comes bearing the most gifts will win.


-NZ Herald

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

To read Cam’s previous articles click on his name in blue.