Comrades I feel I must bring this blatant failure of capitalism to your attention

Credit: Comrade Jacinda FB page

Comrade those pesky capitalists Whaleoil are at it again exploiting the proletariat. To my shock and horror, I discovered that although they are giving away their services for free (like good little socialists should) they have found a way to make their private enterprise provide them with a wage. We must put a stop to this immediately as they have created their business without any government handouts, intervention or controls and we all know that if you want tight controls on spending and a profitable return, government bureaucracies are the best way to achieve that.

Credit: Luke

I propose to Nationalise Whaleoil immediately as it is New Zealand’s largest and most popular political blog and will be an effective way for me to get my message out to the workers. I have been compared by the MSM to President Trump and while I disagree with the comparison he has been very effective at communicating with the workers via twitter so I look forward to using Whaleoil to reach out to all of New Zealand.

First order of business will be to get rid of the subscriptions as a government blog should be funded by the taxpayer rather than a typical capitalist model of user pays. I don’t want too much of a fiscal hole however so we will need advertising revenue to cover some of the costs of running such a large new media organisation.

I considered making advertising on Whaleoil compulsory for government departments but I am a socialist, not a communist so I instead made all the unions an offer they could not refuse had a conversation with the unions. They jumped at the chance to advertise on a such a large platform but demanded a number of non-negotiable changes in return.

From next week Whaleoil will be renamed Labour Standard Daily (LSD) and the aggressive patriarchal Whale symbol will be replaced with this much more appropriate logo.

Credit: Luke

Other changes will include:

Whaleoil General Debate and Whaleoil backchat will become Conversations with Jacinda

The editor Cameron Slater will be replaced with serious journalist Rachel Smalley

The writer known only as SB has been shot (just kidding) but she had a wee disagreement with my security detail yesterday and her whereabouts are currently unknown. Sadly two members of my security detail are currently on sick leave and one is in the hospital still muttering that he didn’t see it coming.

Moderators Pete and Nige are currently attending a re-education training camp to instruct them on the kind of conversations that will be allowed on the blog in order to keep public morale high.

Whaleoil interns have all been provided with a high standard of housing at a local Marae and apart from that, it will be basically business as usual just no subscriptions.

LSD does not want you to subscribe

LSD does not need you to subscribe

In fact, LSD has banned subscriptions as reading the blog for free with union ads is now compulsory.

Until next week then comrades…..

CC

(Comrade Cindy)

 


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If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

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