Subscription Psychology: Let me analyse you

I once did a psychology paper in my first year at university as I was considering it as a career so I am clearly fully qualified to now psychoanalyse Whaleoil subscribers. I have here a nice soft couch so lie back, get comfy and let the nice doctor SB get to the root of your subscription disorder.

There are three types of subscription disorders and I guarantee you are suffering from one of them right now but don’t worry I also have a recommended treatment for all three of them.

Annual Subscription disorder:

Whaleoil readers with this disorder fit a certain personality profile. When they support something they go all in. They are decisive. They also like to keep things simple because they know that with an annual subscription they can pay and then walk away. They don’t have to worry whether or not a monthly payment will go through each month. They are 100% certain that they want to support Whaleoil and be ad-free and they are financially secure enough to pay a lump sum of $120.

Readers with this disorder are reliable and dependable by nature. They are not afraid to make commitments and their word is their bond. They are not risk takers and like to always be prepared. When an earthquake hits they are the ones with a stash of food, torches and bottled water already stored in their garage.

Recommended treatment:

Annual subscription disorder is totally harmless and as long as the patient can afford the $120 they really should be allowed to resubscribe each year as long as Whaleoil continues to give them pleasure. Cutting a person off abruptly from access to Whaleoil could prove to be harmful to their wellbeing so it is best to play it safe and leave the subscription in place.


Monthly Subscription disorder:

Whaleoil readers with this disorder are risk takers and thrill seekers. They like to live life on the edge and enjoy the idea that at any moment they can change direction and go down a new path.

Their motto is one day at a time and they like to control their choices on a day by day, week by week and month by month basis. Life is more exciting when you are living it on the edge and they want Whaleoil to keep it fresh and not take their support for granted. Risk takers are often business people and they understand that it is easier to run a business that has regular monthly revenue so they choose to support Whaleoil in that way. Paying $10 a month suits their budget and achieves their goal of supporting their favourite blog.

Readers with this disorder are the ones who when an earthquake hits will be the ones rushing in to help rescue others. When disaster hits they can be counted on to muck in and help.

Recommended treatment:

Monthly subscription disorder is not a harmful disorder and as long as the patient can afford the $10 a week they really should be allowed to continue their no-strings-attached relationship with Whaleoil for as long as they desire. They know when to quit and will do so if they lose interest.


No Subscription disorder:

Whaleoil readers with this disorder can be broken down into four core groups:

1. Whaleoil readers who are new and who have not yet decided if Whaleoil is now an essential part of their daily routine. Their personality is cautious and they like to take their time making up their minds.

2. Whaleoil readers who have turned off their ad-blocker and choose to contribute by viewing Google ads that give the blog revenue instead. They are the kinds of people who prefer to give people gifts that they have made or grown themselves.

3. Whaleoil readers (usually left-wingers) who like getting a service that they enjoy for free and who feel no sense of guilt or loyalty. They suffer from Entitilitus which is a condition that consists of a life philosophy whereby individuals believe that the world and others owe them something, as well as the idea that life should be fair. (**This also includes journalists who read Whaleoil as a part of their job in order to find ideas and stories to steal with no attribution.)

4. Whaleoil readers who don’t see a  subscription as a way to support their favourite blog but as a black and white payment for the specific service of removing ads and improving the speed at which pages load. They don’t mind the ads or the current speed so feel no motivation to pay for that service.

Recommended treatment:

No subscription disorder is a complex disorder that can be treated in a number of ways.

New readers who have not yet made up their minds will be cured in time as eventually one of SB’s subscription posts will push the right emotional button and they will click on the link.

Readers who have turned off their ad-blocker will continue to enjoy Whaleoil for free with ads and will only subscribe if the silver and later gold and platinum subscriptions offer services that they value. They do not need to be cured as regular viewing of Whaleoil content with ads is the only treatment that they need.

Readers who feel no sense of guilt of loyalty will continue to happily bludge their way through their daily read and will, in fact, boast to their left-wing mates that they don’t link to Whaleoil articles and view it using a website that covers their online tracks so that their views cannot be included in our reader statistics. There is no known treatment for Entitilitus.

Whaleoil readers who don’t see a  subscription as a way to support their favourite blog will be motivated to subscribe when the later subscription levels go live if they offer services that they feel will enhance their viewing pleasure. When that happens they will be immediately cured and will wonder why they didn’t do it sooner.

 

 


THANK YOU for being a subscriber. Because of you Whaleoil is going from strength to strength. It is a little known fact that Whaleoil subscribers are better in bed, good looking and highly intelligent. Sometimes all at once! Please Click Here Now to subscribe to an ad-free Whaleoil.

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