Translation of Jacinderease on the topic of child poverddy reduction

Credit: SB Whaleoil

Jacinderease

The language of obfuscation:

Words that make an answer, vague, unclear, unintelligible or that avoid answering the question altogether.

Jacinderease is a language easily learned as it is full of bumper sticker slogans. The secret to speaking fluent Jacinderease is to have a relentlessly positive tone when speaking (or as Jacinda calls it, “relentless positividdy”)

Parliament: Questions and Answers – Dec 6

[…] 2. Hon PAULA BENNETT (Deputy Leader—National) to the Minister for Child Poverty Reduction: How many children will her Government move out of poverty by 1 July 2019?

Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN (Minister for Child Poverty Reduction): Exact details of the impact of our families package will be released when the legislation is introduced, which we have committed to doing within our first 100 days. In the meantime, the member will note that in the Speech from the Throne, this Government noted our expectation that we would be more ambitious than the last Government’s goal of 50,000 children being lifted out of poverty, which was announced just a few weeks out from the last election.

Jacinderease Translation:

We do not have an answer but we are hoping to come up with something within our first hundred days. Whatever we come up with it we will make sure that it will be higher than National’s target.

Hon Paula Bennett: If it is still the Minister’s goal to, and I quote, “eradicate child poverty in New Zealand,” what targets has she set to achieve this in her first six weeks in Government, given she wanted to see urgent progress in this area?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: I’m delighted to have the opportunity to be able to talk about the legislation we’re intending to introduce in our first 100 days, which sets measures and requires the Government to set targets. That will be introduced within 100 days, and I’ll be seeking support unanimously across the House for that legislation. At the time when we put that out, we’ll talk then about the targets we’ll be setting.

Jacinderease Translation:

We will talk about targets once we have created them. I will be delighted to tell you all about them once we have first created the legislation to tell us to set the targets in the first place.

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Hon Paula Bennett: Does the Minister now accept that a range of measures will be needed to measure child poverty, as we’ve been using, and you can’t just pick one, as she has repeatedly said in the past?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: Had the member ever bothered to read my member’s bill, which was on the Table for more than six years, she would have seen that I always advocated that a range of measures be put into law—six years that sat on the Table and was available to read.

Jacinderease Translation:

What I said is what I committed to writing you silly woman. Things I said on the election trail or earlier that contradicted what I wrote six years ago must be ignored.

Hon Paula Bennett: Who will be responsible for determining whether a child is in poverty or not?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: It’s fair to say that if you’re a child that is experiencing deprivation and you don’t have the basic necessities of life, you could be determined to be living in poverty. But what we’re doing, as the last Government did, is looking at ways that we can take accountability through measures and demonstrate to the public what we’re doing about poverty, and you’ll see exactly how within 100 days.

Jacinderease Translation:

We will determine what deprivation means as well as what the basic necessities of life are so that they match whatever actions we will take to fix child poverddy. This way we can draw up some pretty graphs to demonstrate to the public that we have all but eliminated child poverddy.

Hon Paula Bennett: Will the Minister be able to determine which children are in poverty—street by street, household by household—or will she scatter money around, hoping it hits the actual children that really need it?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: The legislation that I’m proposing will be based at a level across household incomes. That’s the same kind of rationale that the Government sporadically used, but refused to ever set targets around.
Hon Paula Bennett: So does the Minister now recognise that social investment has the ability to target resources at the right children and also ascertain if that intervention is working?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: I have long recognised that child poverty is a stain on this country—it’s an indictment—but this is a Government that’s actually willing to acknowledge that and do something about it.

Jacinderease Translation:

We will pick an income level and anyone earning that or below will be labelled as living in poverddy and in need of extra government benefits. We will then claim that we are doing something about it without looking at the actual causes of child neglect. We know what we will be doing won’t be too much different from the previous government.

Hon Paula Bennett: I raise a point of order, Mr Speaker.
Mr SPEAKER: I will ask the Prime Minister to have another go. Do you want to repeat the question?
Hon Paula Bennett: Does the Minister now recognise that social investment has the ability to target resources at the right children and ascertain if that intervention is working?
Rt Hon JACINDA ARDERN: We of course will be analysing whether our interventions are working. That’s the whole point of publicly reporting as part of the Public Finance Act, which is what we’re committing to do.

Jacinderease Translation:

We won’t be targeting resources at specific children we will be using an arbitary income level to determine who gets more money because more money is always the answer. When we analyse our interventions we will find that we successfully gave more people more money which is what we are committed to do.

 


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