It’s a new year and Bob Jones lets rip against stupid media

Bob Jones must have had a restful holiday break because he is back at the NBR and lets rip with an absolute pearler of a column:

A classic front page, “only in the Dominion-Post” heading just before Christmas read, “School to pay $3000 for locking autistic boy in room.”

I imagine most NBR readers with any commercial bent would react as I did and think that’s almost free money. I’d certainly be happy to do it for $2000. Alas, once again it was Dom-Post nonsense for the story went on to explain that the Chief Ombudsman had suggested; got that – “suggested”, the school might consider such a payment.

I seriously urge Auckland employers, knowing what lies ahead, staff cock-up wise, end their morning misanthropy and subscribe to the Dom-Post. Its relentless ineptitude has huge therapeutic value in beginning each day with laughter.

The laughs only get you so far.

“Boxing fan hit with $160k fine after friend live streams Anthony Joshua fight” was a January Stuff (Fairfax) heading.

The underlying story then recounted that far from being “fined,” the $160,000 was the amount Sky UK was claiming; get that; “claiming”, in a writ served on the subscriber. This astonishing ignorance demonstrates the terrible decline in the quality of Fairfax personnel, in line with their collapsing subscriber numbers.

I also enjoyed this quote from the Stuff website, unsurprisingly from a teacher: “Being a male teacher was my dream until I was falsely accused …” meaning presumably, you wish you’d stuck to being a female teacher rather than dreaming of the alternative.

In fairness to the Dom-Post, it doesn’t have a monopoly on sloppy language. Take this heading from the New Zealand Herald’s appalling website late last year. “Fears a man drowned off Taranaki coast is a newly-wed,” this clearly implying if he’s not a newly-wed, we should be unconcerned.

He’s just like me, I see poor wording and idiot headlines and I just help myself.

Here’s some recent slop from Britain’s now solely online The Independent, a failed newspaper founded in the 1980s by prigs claiming to offer a superior level of journalism. The heading: “TV presenter quits after discovering male co-star earns twice as much.” That could not have been further from the truth. The presenter understandably quit because her male co-host was paid, not earned, twice as much as she was. If he had “earned” the higher salary, she would not have complained.

He’s pedantic, and churlish…and I love it.


Then he gets into the golliwog issue…which is sure to annoy some social justice warriors somewhere:

On an entirely different note, it was heartening to read of a Waiheke gift store, Esplanade Boutique, which stocked golliwogs, this reportedly causing shock-horror to some American negro tourists (I’ll stick to the ethnically correct “negro” notwithstanding the constant fashionable changes in America over the past three decades; first to coloured, then black and now the ludicrous and clumsy Afro-American).

The boutique owner, referred to in the press as Kat (presumably Katherine) told these ignorant complainants to get stuffed; well not quite in as many words but nevertheless explained their ignorance to them, specifically that the word golliwog was a fictitious name for a black doll in a late Victorian English author’s children’s storybook, who took the heroic lead role in the tale.

Well done Kat for kicking back against contrived and fashionable offence-taking. A Martian confronted by this nonsense would draw the logical conclusion that negroes are embarrassed by their skin colour, which at least in America they evidently are, given the huge market there for skin-lightening dyes. How soon before animal rights activists moan about teddy-bears? It certainly won’t surprise.

And if admitting to walloping your female staff with a cane doesn’t get him in trouble, nothing will.

The same day that story appeared came another from America, specifically the resignation of an Alabaman newspaper company chairman after the revelation that years earlier in his editorial role, he regularly spanked his female staff with a ruler.

Good God; this is ludicrous. I’ve been urging that for the Dominion Post staff for yonkers and especially for the editor for allowing constant slop. I speak with some expertise on this topic as all eight girls in my Wellington office are given severe canings every morning and the result; constant praise for their charm and snappy appearance.

Last year I made our tax adviser bend over and I gave him six of the best for stupidity.

Only our Wellington manager is exempt once it was realised he liked it. Nevertheless, I strongly recommend this procedure to employers seeking high-performance standards.

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