Bang a nail in the gate

Bang a nail in the gate and make it straight

chuck the tools in the shed or you don’t get fed

I got me top button done up on me best Swanndri

and I’m coming in from the country,

 

Throw the dogs in the back and hit the track

hop on the tractor don’t be looking back

I got me top button done up on me best Swanndri

and I’m coming in from the country,

Now about once or twice a year I guess

I dust off the cobwebs on me Sunday best

and I run a comb through me black manky hair

and prepare me self for the city glare,

 

Cause there’s a lot of fine women waiting out there

for a good keen man with the time to spare

as the life of a cocky is a lonely one

unless he’s got a woman waiting for him – when his hard works done,

 

The rego and the warrant on the tractor is due

so I scratch off a number and I add a few

burn round the edges and I stand well back

and take in the tractor – what a view,

 

There’s some rust in the sills the vents a bit bent

but she’s a solid little body apart form the odd dent

and she’s never thrown a leg or burnt out a fuse

and the camouflage is designed to confuse,

 

So I head out of Upper Utopia way

and I hang a hard left at the big pile of hay

wait for a bit behind a big wide load

then I merge like a zip on the Great South Road,

 

A blue with a view was up ahead

he shot me a glance and away I sped

flashed his rollers with a hungry look

with his back wheels spinning like a half dead chook,

 

So sure enough the hunt was soon on

and I ducked and I weaved and I sung a little song

got the tractor up to top speed

with the sirens behind me beginning to recede,

 

But he must have wired up a mate or two

because up ahead I see a big queue

look to me left and I look to me right

and I’m thinking to me self ‘well I’m in a bit of strife’,

 

So acting dead clam I turned round right

through a hole in the fence and I make off in flight

A cross country dash was the order of the day

as I dodged around the cattle who were getting in the way,

 

After driving around for a while

I park the tractor up by a big wood pile

a blue whirly bird was a buzzing overhead

so I lie down flat and like a possum play dead,

 

And it went on like that for most of the night

the blue whirly bird above with a big spot light

till he flew away given up I guess

either that or he reckoned that I might of headed west,

 

Back on the road and after some time

five K.P.H up the last ridge line

I see below me the lights of the big smoke

so I step off the throttle and ease on the choke,

 

After going through the first green light

I start looking for a place for the tractor for the night

times are hard and moneys tight

so I put a sign on the meter saying ‘she’ll be right’

 

Then I stroll on down K Road way

looking in the windows at the shop displays

orange amber and neon funk as I negotiate around

the numerous punks, and drunks, smelling like six foot skunk,

 

Then I bump into a big strong lass

she had a husky voice and she talked a bit of sass

said her name was Vai and she came from the Y

as she fiddled with the buttons on me best Swanndri,

 

She asked me if I was looking for a good time

so I said ‘yeah sure Vai that’ll be fine’

it was then that I noticed the hairs on her lips

and the way her hems gathered round her big strong hips,

 

So anyway I decided I’d call it a night

something funny bout Vai didn’t seem quite right

hopped on the tractor and headed out of town

feeling a bit puzzled and little let down,

 

As I head back into Utopia way

I hang a right this time at the big pile of hay

the Blues were out in the valley just down

looking for a joker on a tractor or some bloody clown,

 

Bang a nail in the gate and make it straight

chuck the tools in the shed or you don’t get fed

I got me top button done up on me best Swanndri

and I’m coming in from the country,

 

Throw the dogs in the back and hit the track

hop on the tractor don’t be looking back

I got me top button done up on me best Swanndri

and I’m coming in from the country.

 

 

 

 


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ORANGE

  • A large round juicy citrus fruit with a tough bright reddish-yellow rind.

AMBER

  • Hard translucent fossilized resin originating from extinct coniferous trees of the Tertiary period, typically yellowish in colour. It has been used in jewellery since antiquity.

ORINJAMBA

  • Fifth generation Kiwi, social-political writer who left the Left sometime back and turned right. Heavily reliant on spell check with hopefully the intelligence to admit when he’s wrong and the humility to see the truth, irrespective of where it’s found.
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