Golf rules should be applied to politicians


I like golf. It has been suggested that it is called “golf” because all the other four-letter words were taken. I get that. But what I admire about golf is its ability to put you in your place without offence. It’s called “your handicap”. For those of you who are not familiar with golf handicaps, each players’ skill level is rated and the better you are the lower your handicap.

Generally, the range of handicap is between zero and thirty-six strokes. At the end of each round, you are permitted to reduce your actual score by the amount of your handicap. This provides an even contest, regardless of talent. This enables a 36 handicapper to beat a far superior 1 handicapper golfer. This also provides the 36 handicapper with the motivation to improve their game with clear evidence of the incremental lowering of their handicap.

This system is so good that I believe it should be applied to all works of life. In politics, each new member of Parliament would start out as a 36 handicapper. Only those who have lowered their handicap to 10 or less would be permitted on the front bench. List MPs would not be allowed to participate in the affairs of Parliament until they were fully paid up members i.e. winning an electoral seat. It could also apply to ethnicity. Before one can claim to be Maori they would have to be a 10 handicapper. This would eliminate white Maori 36 handicappers from claiming Maori as their primary ethnicity. The advantages of such handicapping could go on and on.

A clear example of how this could benefit each of us is none other than David Cunliffe. He was a 10 handicap male once, but after one very bad round when he claimed his shame of being male, his handicap shot out to 36. I believe he is in now on 29, so not all is lost. The more one plays golf the better they become and the likelihood of being a single figure player is greatly enhanced. This could be why most board members are old white males, all single figure handicappers. They have practised all their lives. In fact, many of them are pros. Genter, a Green Party 36er, though not a fully paid-up member, believes boards should be populated by 36 handicappers. So Genter, just to irritate you, I will conclude with a quote from a pro golfer, John Daly.

“I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein.”

Put that in your PC pipe and don’t forget to inhale. Clearly, nothing else works for you.


by George

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

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