Leaked correspondence from the Russian Embassy to the NZ Prime Minister

Credit: Comrade Jacinda FB page


Greetings Comrade Jacinda,

I must say what a pleasure it was to receive your phone call yesterday requesting information regarding the preposterous suggestion that the New Zealand Russian Embassy could be harbouring spies. And as it was confirmed by me yesterday, the answer is, of course, we do not. I must say I liked your measured approach, so unlike the rest of the Western World. I understand that those countries who expelled our diplomats hadn’t even asked their Russian Embassies the obvious questions, unlike you. All they had to do was pick up the phone and this sorry mess could have been avoided. But Comrade, not all leaders are as enlightened as you.

As for the lying, filthy, treacherous British, inventing a poisoning scandal just so they could humiliate Russia; let them rot in hell. Please pass on my best wishes to Comrade Winston. He is clearly a man of principle and his statement that there was no proof of Russian involvement, was reassuring. I wish there were more leaders like you and Comrade Winston in the Western World. You, Comrade, are a woman of impeccable scruples. You have never lied and we here, in the NZ Russian Embassy, would like to confirm, ?nor have we?. Both of us adhere to these moral standards vigorously, Comrades in arms, I suggest.

You and Comrade Winston will be aware that Russia will be hosting the Football World Cup in June and July this year. And as requested by Comrade Winston, we have scheduled our pending free trade talks for July 15, the day before the final. This fortunate coincidence has resulted in an invitation being extended by President Vladimir Putin requesting that Comrade Winston be his guest in the Presidential Box on July 16 to view the final of this great sporting occasion. Comrade Winston will be New Zealand’s Premier at this time due to you being on maternity leave so this will present a golden opportunity for our two great leaders to strengthen the relationship between our two countries. By the way, Comrade Vladimir sends his best wishes.

Your Comrade in arms,
Grigori Nickovich

by George