Comedy corner: Non-PC jokes guaranteed to offend


 



A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”


WOMAN’S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,

One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who wants to listen all day long,

One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs for more.

Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to “how big is my behind?”

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
and always be my very best friend.


MAN’S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course and loves to send me fishing and hunting.
This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.


What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9.
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.


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