Some new tax ideas for Cullen

Let’s tax this

Former Labour party deputy leader Michael Cullen has floated eight new taxes or types of tax but I say that you can never have too many kinds of tax. Since our new government is burning our tax dollars with the enthusiasm of Hamas operatives burning tyres at the Gaza–Israel fence we need to help them out by suggesting some other new taxes to help them try to fill their ever-deepening 11.7 billion fiscal hole.

Whaleoil readers have made the following suggestions:

A Loser tax: The possibilities for this tax are endless.


A Criminal Tax: (This tax would need some flexibility as IRD would need to make visits to the crims with brown paper bags to collect either cash or items wrapped in tinfoil.)

A Vehicle Tax: (Done on the value of the vehicle relative to income, if low income and an expensive vehicle then tax higher.)

Number of cars in driveway Tax: (Like the Vehicle tax but the number of vehicles versus income. If more cars and lower income then more tax.)

Hospital Visit Tax: (Paid if the reason for the visit is because the person was involved in a fight they started or is because they were drunk or stoned.)

Recreational Drug use Tax:

Pit-bull or large dog tax:


Mobile Phone tax: They could force Spark and others to collect this tax on the government’s behalf. Charge them ten cents a minute and ten cents a text on top of what they are already paying. KA-CHING!

Toilet Tax:  Your time on the bog will be subject to a ‘progressive’ scale of tax.

  • First 4 mins free. 4 to 6 mins 17.5%.
  • Anything over 6 mins rises to 33%. (If an MP then the 17.55% rate shall apply.)

Now finally, the piece de resistance…

A Wheel tax: Any vehicle with more than two wheels must pay a tax for every additional wheel over two wheels. Nothing will get buses, trucks and cars off the road like a Wheel Tax. I am surprised Julie Anne Genter hasn’t already thought of this one as it will promote the Green vision of a return to Chinese style transport solutions of the 1970’s.

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If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

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