Wellington’s dens of iniquity

It may not be obvious but the photo above depicts the location of a likely den of iniquity, so bad that police in Wellington feel obliged to take steps to reduce the revelry in local establishments of a similar nature.

Yes, you read that right. Wellington police are now opposing the renewal of liquor licences for several bowling clubs, presumably because… actually, no one really knows why.

No, it is not 1 April. Stuff reports: quote:

Cracking a cold one after a game of bowls may become a thing of the past if Wellington police have their way.

After decades without any alcohol-related incidents, several bowling clubs across the region have found themselves in a battle with police over the renewal of their liquor licences.

Mark O’Connor, chairman of Bowls Wellington, which represents clubs within greater Wellington, said the blanket opposition had come as a complete surprise after years of good relations with city councils and police. End quote.

No alcohol-related incidents, but police are opposing renewal of their licences. There must be more to this, surely? Quote:

Mark O’Connor, chairman of Bowls Wellington, which represents clubs within greater Wellington, said the blanket opposition had come as a complete surprise after years of good relations with city councils and police.

“Most of the clubs are based around the community, they’re well-run by volunteers and provide a safe environment for members and it is only members drinking there because of our licences.” End quote.

Maybe the clubs are a front for more sinister activities, and the police are on to it. Drugs? The sale of methamphetamine? The thing is, though, that the only P you find in places like that will be on the floor in the toilets from members who didn’t quite make it. Quote:

In a letter to Bowls Wellington, Senior Sergeant Scott Dunn  from the Wellington Police District Alcohol Licensing Unit, outlined the reasoning for the sudden crackdown.

“As part of the regulatory agencies  made up of police, the medical officer of health, and the council licensing inspectors, we are now reviewing applications and renewals for club licenses in a more robust manner – to be more in line with the provisions of the Sale and Supply of Alcohol Act 2012.” End quote.

So, that’s it. We are treating bowling clubs as sporting venues, which includes, for example, the now-defunct Wellington Rugby Sevens annual event where revellers would imbibe for two solid days, drunken behaviour was rampant and, at times, the event became unpleasant and dangerous for other attendees, particularly children.

Here is a photo from an event I went to at a bowling club last year.

It really was a wild and debauched night. Quote:

New Zealand Alcohol Beverages Council executive director Nick Leggett said he couldn’t understand why police were effectively “bullying the low-hanging fruit”.

“The police have decided they’re going to do this, it’s a blanket opposition to the weakest community organisations that run very little money through their bars.”

“The minimal alcohol that they sell keeps their club open so members can enjoy each other  socially and so other community groups can use the facility.”

He said that without concrete proof of harm, the police opposition set a “worrying” precedent. End quote.

These places are obviously dens of iniquity. We even have one of these revellers in our midst, as the screenshot below shows, but I am really glad he uses a pseudonym (although he has outed himself to a few of our number now).

I wonder what exactly they put in those chicken dinners?

What about those establishments in Courtenay Place on a Saturday night (or most other nights, for that matter) when drunkenness is rampant and fights often break out in the streets, causing damage to property and risks to others around them? Why do the police want to cancel the alcohol licences of clubs with mostly senior members, who just want to have a quiet drink with their friends?

These bowling clubs are innovative too. They sell a new type of wine that is definitely worth trying. It is a blend of  pinot blanc with pinot grigot. A welcome side effect is that it reduces the number of times people need to get up to go to the toilet during the night.

It is being marketed in bowling clubs around the world as pinot more!

But seriously… why exactly do the police think they are entitled to do this? There is no harm, and there is virtually no risk of any incident, other than someone falling off their walking frame. I hear an ambulance was called to an incident at the Hutt Bowling Club last week because, apparently, one of the more competitive players had bent down to take a critical shot and was unable to get back up again.

Police are supposed to keep the citizens of New Zealand safe, but it seems the police are morphing into the fun police as well. Quote:

“The police have moved from being enforcers to policy-setters and they’re doing it hand-in-hand with regional public health around the country… they want to stop people drinking in moderation and having a good time.” End quote.

And we thought it was a free country. What a joke.

I heard this story the other day from my local bowling club, which goes to prove the importance of the social contact for senior people that these clubs can provide.

Two older fellows were playing bowls together on a nice summer’s day. Suddenly, one man told the other, “My word, there seems to be something stuck in your ear.”

Surprised, the other man reached up and pulled out a suppository from his earlobe.

“How on Earth did that end up there?” asked the first man.

“I’m not sure,” came the reply. “But I’m almost certain I know where I put my hearing aid now!”

Of course, once New Zealand is fully Islamified, there will be no more sales of alcohol, so I assume that the police are preparing us for that, step by step. That is the only conclusion that makes sense.

Welcome to the Islamic State of New Zealandistan. Coming to a bowling club near you.


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Accountant. Boring. Loves tax. Needs to get out more. Loves the environment, but hates the Greens. Has been called a dinosaur. Wears it with pride.

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