Whaleoil activist says ‘the gloves are off’

Photo credit: KGB

My retirement sport of ‘picking on Countdown’ has hit a snag, so it is time to think ‘outside the bag.’
I had decided to concentrate on Mitre 10 Mega for their outrageous self-box fetching policy, but Countdown is the gift that keeps begging to be taken.

Now they favour old brown men.

Mr KGB went to our local turtle saving Countdown naked of the required receptacle to transport his purchases and was GIVEN not one, but two free 15 cent bags.

Now to be fair he limps more than me, he’s bald, he’s just a man and, let’s face it, they are slower to train. But it’s ME that buys your stuff! He’s far too mean to even consider the temptation of your fresh oysters or salted pistachios. Blokes just don’t deviate from the list; they’re not greedy, emotional, shoppers like us.

So now that Countdown consider ‘old brown men’ more worthy than ‘old white women’ the gloves are off.

I had intended to simply take all my New World branded bags into my local Countdown, and though they all brag “Trelise Cooper”, it seemed a bit like losing, or shame of shames, conforming.

I am now doubling down on my commitment and will continue my crusade; you will see my “Give a little” plea for legal fees anytime soon.

The New World currently under construction is a close alternative but it has been decidedly slow to arrive. If only they knew how desperate I was to drive a further 15 minutes on principle despite the cost of fuel today.

The ‘Basket Police’ at my local Countdown are getting good. If they concentrated on service as much as they did on policing their basketware, life as an activist would be a lot easier. It is now with great risk I borrow a basket to transport my purchases.

This morning I returned four of my borrowed baskets to another store. I made sure it was noticed, hopefully on camera, and followed up by a discussion with the woman at the deli who attempted to place my single purchase Scotch Egg in a large plastic container. I confessed it all, and by doing so bought myself a perfectly good witness to the innocence of any future perceived crime. I hope.

We KGB operatives are smart enough to know that eventually we will indeed be caught. The torture of the legal system is best avoided if you want to survive the ‘bag war’ and visit relatives in America any time soon.

I’ve managed to avoid prosecution on many occasions in my life, it would be disappointing to lose at this point. Especially considering my ex-policeman father is now gone and I have no parents left to shame.
So it’s best to set up an “I’m just a nutter” defence for future possible prosecution purposes. The ability to prove the return of four baskets will surely secure my defence as a harmless activist borrower.
“A champion of the cause, a saviour of trees and a protector of bagging rights.”

We have a whole government of petty activists getting away with this type of shit every day, so #metoo.
EXCEPT of course for those old, brown, privileged, men. They just get stuff for free.

 

 

by KGB


Do you want:

  • Ad-free access?
  • Access to our very popular daily crossword?
  • Access to daily sudoku?
  • Access to Incite Politics magazine articles?
  • Access to podcasts?
  • Access to political polls?

Our subscribers’ financial support is the reason why we have been able to offer our latest service; Audio blogs. 

Click Here  to support us and watch the number of services grow.

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Voiced by Amazon Polly
64%