A letter from Mrs Claus

To whomever it may concern

Please stop messing with a Christmas tradition because you will be the death of Santa if you continue with this madness.

I beg of you, please rethink replacing my husband with a woman dressed up as a man. It is just not right.

And please think of me too.? The thought of being married to a woman makes me feel just a tiny bit nauseated. I am angry that you would put me in this position.??Whatever the LBGTXYZ community thinks, Santa is my husband and I will not swap him for some trollop dressed up in his clothes.

I beseech you, please also think of the children and how confused they will be. Women do not have Santa’s deep dulcet tones that make the room resonate with his masculine “ho, ho ho”. This will really screw with their little heads.

It could be the end for Santa when children are bounced on skinny knees and clasped against the bosom of a woman.??It may horrify the little darlings and send them screaming out into the streets because Santa is no longer Santa, he has been feminised.

I beg of you, for the sake of the kids do not proceed with this.

Also, please consider Santa.??I warn you, this plan might push him right over the edge.??He is already teetering on the brink of total despair about the number of kids who refuse to believe in him anymore.??For his sake, do not add to his troubles.

There is absolutely no good reason to replace Santa with a woman and I would like your assurance that this matter will die a quick death so that you do not have the blood of Santa on your hands.

This is the season of good cheer and goodwill to all men so please think of all men everywhere as you weigh up this very important decision.

Yours in earnest anticipation,

Mrs Claus.