Air New Zealand’s new safety video: Seriously, it’s awful!

Air NZ safety video featuring a famous Maori kid, some Air NZ staff and a rapper bloke who used to be a girl.

Honestly, I have no idea what Air New Zealand are thinking.

I flew up to Auckland this week. I almost always fly Air NZ, because, you know, I usually need to actually get to where I’m going. I had been having a pretty cruisy trip; got to the airport early, sat in the lounge and grabbed a bite to eat. I caught up on my Whaleoil reading etc. then made my way down through security screening, got pulled aside to check out what the little box with curly wires going into it was, (a radar detector, not a bomb), and had just sat down when they started boarding the flight.

So up I jump so I can get on first, (easier to get away with way too much carry-on that way), popped into my favourite seat (5A – The window is at just the right spot, lots of legroom etc). A quick ‘gidday’ to a couple of lovely older ladies behind me and I settle into my seat, grab my headphones and open up the latest issue of Top Gear magazine.

Then I rememberd you have to take your headphones off now for the safety video, so I waited dutifully for the all-important safety advice, (I can’t afford to do a Sir Bob and get my own plane). I was a bit shocked to see a new video come on as it has been less than two months since I last took a flight.

I was quite glad really, as I was completely sick of the virtue signalling Antarctica one that has been running for so long but, oh dear, Air New Zealand, what have you done?

Now to be fair, Air NZ has had a few good ones. The summer in New Zealand one and the one with all the surfers etc were pretty good but there have been some shockers in the past too. The short-lived weird Reece Darby one was terrible, and I thought the Hobbit one was completely naff although I suppose the foreigners on the plane probably thought that one was clever.

As soon as the video started playing I thought ‘what the heck is this rubbish?’ Apparently some marketing genius in Air NZ has decided to gather some of NZ’s best talent (sic) and make an epic rap video, featuring around 600 people, set in heaps of locations around the country. So much for all their constant ‘we’re saving the planet’ stuff. How many tons of CO2 were produced creating this disaster I wonder? But anyway, here it is, let’s see how long you can last before you hit the pause button.

I managed to get about 1/4 of the way through before I had to peer out the window pretending that this wasn’t happening. By the time it was 3/4 of the way into it, I decided it would at this stage be worth getting kicked off the plane for not listening, and whacked my headphones on, cranking up my own sweet 80’s rock anthems in a vain attempt to block out the hideous talk-singing.

I’m not sure if anybody has told Randa (the weird looking boy wearing lippy and earrings that used to be a girl) that white chicks can’t rap. I don’t think ‘they’ (that’s the appropriate pronoun apparently) actually wrote the script for it, but whoever did should go back to art school!

The lyrics seem to have been written by a 13-year-old while wagging maths or something. Probably one of those intense ones who will get a tattoo on her back saying ‘music is my life’ for her 18th birthday but who never actually realise that they are crap at music and will still be living in the past at the company Xmas karaoke party going on again about how they used to be in a band!

The best part of the whole video was, actually no scratch that, it is all awful.

When my exceptionally cute Air Hostess (or whatever they call themselves nowadays) came up and asked me what I would like to drink, I asked her if she had received any complaints about the terrible safety video. “Oh yes,” she replied, rolling her eyes. I ventured to suggest that it was indeed awful, and she quietly advised me that I should feel free to pass on my thoughts to the administration as they valued my feedback.

Her parting comments, (after flicking me both the biscuit and the nacho chips), was, quote.

“Seriously, I don’t know how I’m going to get on listening to it four times a day!” End quote.

So how did you get on? How far did you get into the video above before succumbing to the urgent need to either turn it off or jam freshly sharpened pencils deep into your ears?