The Keystone Kaliphate is recruiting Kretins

Caption: Hands up, or he’ll shoot you and your twin brother, right next to you.

It’s well known that Engineering students have an unusual proclivity for extremism. Engineers are generally pretty smart people, but what’s also notable is that their jihadi buddies rarely take advantage of their expertise.

Because jihadis are mostly stupid. Quote:

As an Australian diplomat once drily told me, the worst thing about Islamic State is not that you get killed but that you get killed by someone with a third of your IQ…

But that is a key part of the latest Islamic State playbook. They want to make murder both random and intimate. Just grab anything and pick anyone. You don’t need a killer gang or a grand plan anymore. All you need is a dickhead and a knife…

As a paper published this year by the Combating Terrorism Center at West Point observes, there are extensive online resources specifically targeted at would-be terrorists who are too stupid to build a bomb…

So too the nauseating excuse that comes around like clockwork that terrorists like Man Monis and the Bourke Street butcher are really just victims of mental illness. As one of the millions of functionally insane Australians who manage to go about their day to day lives without killing people in the name of God may I just say: Nah. It’s not the same thing. End of quote.

In fact, a counter-terrorist friend of mine was recently discussing how it is well-known that jihadis deliberately target vulnerable people, especially those with mental illness, in the mosques, because they’re easier to manipulate into suicidal violence.

So are morons. Quote:

In all of the earnest and ongoing talk about the causes of Islamic terrorism, one important and possibly crucial factor is often overlooked. Terrorists are stupid. Examples of terrorist idiocy abound. Ibrahim Abbas, part of a gang that planned a Christmas bombing ­attack in Melbourne two years ago, admitted in court that his crew were too dumb to build a relatively basic explosive device — despite their access to video instructions.

“We couldn’t really follow the video properly, like, it wasn’t — I couldn’t — um, I wasn’t able to make a bomb with the hydrogen peroxide,” Ibrahim told the court.

Ibrahim’s younger brother Hamza was ­described in court by siblings as the family “fishbrain”, and even his own lawyer admitted Hamza was an idiot.

Back in 2005, another mob of Islamic would-be terrorists plotted to blow up southern ­Sydney’s Lucas Heights nuclear ­reactor.

Presumably they figured, based on their Simpsons-level awareness of things nuclear, that such an attack would cause a Chernobyl-style meltdown and destroy the entire city.

But the reactor core at Lucas Heights, as Popular Science reports, is 33,000 times smaller than the core at Chernobyl. In fact, the whole 33kg mass can fit inside a wheelie bin.

And it isn’t even particularly radioactive, as nuclear reactors go. End of quote.

Then there was the especially dumb gang of jihadis who tried to tow a seven-metre boat from Melbourne to far north Queensland, in what was called a “Monty Python plot” to sail off and join the fighting in Syria. Of course, the police followed them all the way…3,000 long, slow kilometres: their car was much too small for a boat that size, meaning they had to tootle along well below the speed limit. Quote:

Forget character tests.

What we need is the simple and rapid Kinder Surprise immigration assessment protocol…prospective immigrants are presented with an unopened Kinder Surprise chocolate egg. Once they crack the egg and remove the unassembled children’s toy within, the ­accompanying instruction sheet is immediately confiscated by an immigration official in charge.

The prospective immigrant then has exactly 30 seconds to consider the toy’s various components and then just two minutes to correctly put the little toy together.

Failure results in an instant and lifelong immigration ban. And they don’t get to eat any of the chocolate. End of quote.


Do you want:

  • Ad-free access?
  • Access to our very popular daily crossword?
  • Access to daily sudoku?
  • Access to Incite Politics magazine articles?
  • Access to podcasts?
  • Access to political polls?

Our subscribers’ financial support is the reason why we have been able to offer our latest service; Audio blogs. 

Click Here  to support us and watch the number of services grow.

Who is Lushington D. Brady?

Well, a pseudonym. Obviously.

But the name Lushington Dalrymple Brady has been chosen carefully. Not only for the sum of its overall mien of seedy gentility, reminiscent perhaps of a slightly disreputable gentlemen of letters, but also for its parts, each of which borrows from the name of a Vandemonian of more-or-less fame (or notoriety) who represents some admirable quality which will hopefully animate the persona of Lushington D. Brady.

To read my previous articles click on my name in blue.

Listen to this post:
Voiced by Amazon Polly
64%