They’re gonna need a bigger bollard [UPDATE]

Caption: The Melbourne attacker slashing a large knife at police, moments before he was shot.

Update:

The terrorist has been named as 31 year old “‘ISIS sympathiser'” Mahomed Khalif. His brother, Ali Khalif Shire Ali, was convicted last year for plotting a New Year’s Eve attack in Federation Square. “[Mahomed] Khalif was well known to counter-terrorism officials due to his relatives’ links to terror.” Quote:

“The Islamic State have claimed the attack as their own via the propaganda platform, releasing a statement saying ‘the perpetrator of the operation… in Melbourne… was an Islamic State fighter and carried out the operation… to target nationals of the coalition’ fighting IS’.” End of quote.


Sometimes, you just can’t make this stuff up: Just this week, police in Melbourne announced that they will be spending millions installing 50 new “diversity bollards” in the city, to prevent terror attacks.

The very next day, yet another terrorist wingnut went on a murderous rampage in the heart of the city.

Obviously getting in early, before the allahu-ackbarriers put a stop to terrorism in Melbourne, once and for all. Quote:

THREE people have been stabbed, including one who died following a frenzied knife attack on Bourke St.

The suspect was shot by police and is in hospital in a critical condition under police guard.

Police are not looking for any other offenders.

The bomb squad is at the scene.

Witnesses say police chased a man carrying a weapon about 4.30pm following a crash that saw a car burst into flames outside Target near the corner of Bourke and Swanston streets. End of quote.

A video shows a utility on fire, loaded with gas cylinders. None of the cylinders appears to have exploded, luckily. Quote:

One witness said two officers tried to apprehend the man, he produced a knife and tried to “stab them.”

The witness said: “The cops were backing off but he kept coming at them”.

No police were injured in the attack. End of quote.

Caption: The attacker is wrestled to the ground, after being shot by police.

According to some sources, witnesses reported him shouting those two little magic words. Quote:

Police say there are no known links to terrorism, but they are keeping an open mind. End of quote.

Hmm. Bombs, knife, beardy in Muhammad pyjamas running amok, shouting the well-known phrase…But, hey, let’s keep an open mind: those Amish can be devilishly clever, you know.

But, waddaya know, we soon find out that the attacker was a Somali migrant who was “known to ASIO and reportedly has links to convicted terror plotters”. His passport had been cancelled for several years. Police are also hunting for his radicalised female partner, who seems to have disappeared. Quote:

Superintendent David Clayton said the man was “brandishing a knife and threatening police” as they responded to a car fire about 4.30pm.

“Passerbys were calling out that members of the public had been stabbed,” he said.

“Police shot the male in the chest and he is now in a critical condition, under guard at hospital.

“Three people have been stabbed. unfortunately, one is deceased at the scene. Two other victims are currently at hospital.”

The suspect was shot in the chest. End of quote.

Although he was taken to hospital after being shot, he ended up getting to meet his virgins after all.

Good on the coppers on the street, though, who did a sterling job: although, naturally, religion-of-peaceniks on Twitter are already complaining.

Good work, too, from heroic bystanders. Quote:

Two bystanders stepped in to surround the armed man, including one who used a shopping trolley as a weapon.

The witness then picked up a rubber weight on the ground to help the officers under siege. End of quote.

Caption: Shopping Trolley Guy definitely deserves a bravery award.

As bystander videos show, even as the not-Muslim-terrorist was swinging a big-arse knife at the coppers with drawn guns, a bloke charged in with a shopping trolley, skittling the mongrel. He was running in for another go just as the coppers opened fire. Another bystander was charging in, too, brandishing a cafe chair.

The dead victim is said to be a security guard. Quote:

I was pretty sure he’d been stabbed in the face…Unfortunately, the man, they put a sheet on him, unfortunately he passed away. It was crazy because he was still at my feet alive, people were still working on him.

It’s pretty bad. He was struggling. He was faced down when I first saw him and they turned him around. He was still alive, you could tell, still trying to breathe. Bleeding from the mouth, blood coming out of his mouth.

Right next to him, I’m pretty sure I saw a finger, a chopped off finger.
A police statement said: “Police are currently at an incident on Bourke Street in the CBD. “Police initially responded to a report of a car on fire near the corner of Swanston Street about 4.20pm. A man was arrested at the scene and has been taken to hospital under police guard in a critical condition. Police are not looking for anyone further at this early stage. A small number of people are being treated for stab wounds. End of quote.

More bollards are the answer, I’m sure.


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Who is Lushington D. Brady?

Well, a pseudonym. Obviously.

But the name Lushington Dalrymple Brady has been chosen carefully. Not only for the sum of its overall mien of seedy gentility, reminiscent perhaps of a slightly disreputable gentlemen of letters, but also for its parts, each of which borrows from the name of a Vandemonian of more-or-less fame (or notoriety) who represents some admirable quality which will hopefully animate the persona of Lushington D. Brady.

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