Climate Stupid 101: The most important things to understand about this urgent problem

Hi Kittens

Welcome to Stuffed University where Captain Crock will lead us through Climate Stupid 101. This is an important subject, so important we will not brook criticism, of any kind, by anybody. This is strictly facts, all facts, absolutely no matter-of-facts.

“Earth’s warming is largely related to the quantity of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. These absorb heat from the sun as it is reflected off the earth’s surface and send it back again.”
Professor James Renwick, a climate scientist at Victoria University Wellington, says this process is akin to having a blanket on a bed.
“A thicker blanket, a warmer body; a thicker blanket over the earth, a warmer earth.”

So, there you have it, Stupids. The earth’s atmosphere is a blanket, except it’s not. The atmosphere is hugely gaseous, a blanket hugely solid. The atmosphere enhances convection while a blanket suppresses it, but they are the same, so sayeth Stuff. No correspondence will be entered into.

“The key thread in that blanket is carbon dioxide (CO₂), which takes thousands of years to break down and all the while absorbs heat, sending it back to earth and triggering warming.” In fact, the key thread in planetary liveability is water vapour, responsible for over 64% of the entire ‘greenhouse effect’ that allows us to populate this planet, but y’know: Stuff said otherwise and what they say can’t be untrue. By decree.

Notable dullards, including the Inter-Governmental Panel on Climate Change, must be fully replete with absolute morons and evil denialists if Stuff’s Captain Crock is to be believed: “As the largest contributor to the natural greenhouse effect, water vapour plays an essential role in the Earth’s climate.”

“Since the start of the industrial revolution around 250 years ago, emissions of CO₂ have sharply increased.” Oh. Golly. That’s terrible. If you thought the industrial revolution began much earlier, in 1712, well, what a fool you have been. Still ‘emissions’ though, what a thing! Terrible, ain’t it, that women who used to spend much of their day labouriously digging peat in the UK for burning in order to heat their family homes and meals had their earthly energy needs superseded by a product so small, compact and affordable, that they chose it in preference to peat-piling. What a pack of bitches. Lazy bastards all of them.

In fact, the first machine of the industrial age was a water pump designed to drain mines: coal mines. So popular was the product that mines were sunk deeper and deeper chasing coal seams to enable the taking of the wonderful product: a product so good that infant mortality dropped in the immediately ensuing period from one-in-three to one-in-fifteen. Killers, all of ‘em, those coal users, they have the blood of tiny babies on their very hands.

“All the while absorbs heat, sending it back to earth and triggering warming”. Crikey; I dunno, but 3rd Form chemistry told me that molecules re-radiate energy in every possible direction, emitting across their entire circumference, including into outer space, but apparently it ain’t true ‘cos Stuff says so. Overturning 187 years of molecular science, the latent energy of CO₂ molecules is able to be directed, laser-like, back to planet Earth, and Earth alone. Boy, how I have been misled. Thank God for Stuff; otherwise, I’d be living in ignorance.

This amazing heat is also able to travel backwards, “all the while absorbs heat, sending it back to earth and triggering warming” thereby defeating the Second Law of Thermodynamics; namely the notion that heat may only flow from warm to cool and not vice-versa. That’s why we cannot cook a roast in the refrigerator, nor cool a beer on the barbecue, but Stuff says we can, so it must be true.

Please experiment with the above on your own, give it a go and let us know how you get on. However, no correspondence contrary to our position will be entered into. You can get Stuffed.

 


Do you want:

  • Ad-free access?
  • Access to our very popular daily crossword?
  • Access to daily sudoku?
  • Access to Incite Politics magazine articles?
  • Access to podcasts?
  • Access to political polls?

Our subscribers’ financial support is the reason why we have been able to offer our latest service; Audio blogs. 

Click Here  to support us and watch the number of services grow.

Living in Wellington idbkiwi is self-employed in a non-governmental role which suits his masochistic tendencies. He watches very little television, preferring to read or research, but still subscribes to the daily paper despite his distillation of dismay and disappointment at the very low standards of the modern press on every opening of the awful rag.

He is married, to an obviously very unfortunate woman, and has a family who allegedly loves him despite his right-wing nut-job views on life and the meaning of. He believes laughter is the best medicine for whatever ails you, closely, very closely, followed by wine. He hopes to reach retirement, both alive and eventually.

To read my previous articles click on my name in blue.

Listen to this post:
Voiced by Amazon Polly
Tagged:
3%