Fly on the wall

Jacinda munched contentedly on her egg sandwich at 10.30 precisely. It was a ritual suggested to her by granny Helen. She had claimed the sandwich girded her loins nicely for the weekly cabinet meetings. The effect on Jacinda was however felt elsewhere and luckily Neve could be blamed for anything malodorous.

Breast-feeding the first baby during cabinet meetings had proven fraught and it was decided that all the men would wear bags over their heads They were bought from one of the small piles of two dollar coins Jacinda had set aside to run the country. Some would say an unnecessary expense but no matter – needs must.

paper bag over the head

The bags over heads escalated to everyone wearing one when Jacinda noticed Megan’s large red tongue lolling around ominously after she whipped out one of the ‘first pair’ for Neve. The tongue was probably the result of the half-eaten cream bun positioned beside Jacinda’s cup of tea – but better safe than sorry. Cabinet meeting are serious business, no distractions.

PM Jacinda Ardern

Of course – unexpected consequences – the meetings with bags had degenerated into muffled mumblings, and Jacinda needed to be kept up to date by her pals in the media on what had been decided during the meetings. The pals were also useful in keeping her informed on what her personal PR gurus had mapped out for Neve and the ‘first gland’ (as Winston lightheartedly calls him) for the following few weeks.

It was so nice not to have to think about anything. In her weekly ducking and diving with Uncle Ducky (as she affectionately calls him), she complained how National couldn’t read between the lines correctly over the dud Czech debacle. What with having to fork out compensation to statehouse tenants for evicting them over smoking ‘P’ – surely everyone could see the government didn’t want to open themselves up for more compensation claims by getting rid of the Labour lovies’ kingpin drug dealer?

Jacinda was also mystified over rumours of dissatisfaction over the UN migration pact. She had heard nothing from her pals in the media so she assumed everything was hunky dory. Winston seemed okay with it, stating “Quid pro quo” with a large cheery wink. She didn’t know what that meant and made a mental note to look it up sometime. Golly G, her green, go to expert on international affairs, told her it was ‘cool’, ‘ace’ even, and another world first – female prime minister with a child willing to flood her own country with migrants from countries with problematic cultures – cool, ace.

 

By Buzz


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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

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