Hello Cognitive, Have You Met Dissonance?

Information

Satire

My name is Weibe Wakker, and I empty the pockets of stupid people. You won’t believe how clever I am. All I have to do is claim to drive an electrically-motivated car from coal-fire generated electricity Holland to across the world, taking advantage en-route of the gas-fired electricity of the Middle East, the coal-fired electricity of India, then the gas and coal and palm-oil fired electricity of Indonesia to my destination in coal-fired electricity Australia to prove how sustainable my clean ‘electricity-powered’ VW Golf is [Cough].

I covered this route at the amazing rate of 82 kilometres per day! Yes! 50.9 miles per day; that’s faster than walking!

I have no idea what my carbon-footprint is from this folly, better not say.

Arriving at my intended destination after three long years (Thank the Lord I don’t have children screaming: Are we there yet?) I found myself hooked on business-class eco-welfare. I couldn’t believe how gullible some people are. I solicit, and receive, big bucks and free accommodation on my travels from the true believers who support my little joke, so I hopped on a boat with diesel-electric engines to get to truly gullible New Zealand where I sought out the ultra-gullible, and Yes! They were truly taken in.

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No Kindness for Criminals

National party

In a move that contradicts the government’s “wellbeing” approach, mental health nurses have been axed from Counties Manukau Police Station.

The ‘watch-house nurse pilot initiative’ was launched in 2008. It placed mental health nurses in the Counties Manukau police watch house. Following its success, the pilot became business as usual in 2014.

An evaluation of the programme in 2010 found there was strong evidence of reduced risk of harm, efficient referrals, and ongoing education to police on mental health responses. 

Two fulltime nurses had been working in cells. The police have had problems recruiting for the role after both nurses resigned.

According to information released under the Official Information Act, the roles were incorporated into a separate Counties Manukau unit. However, the new unit is not based in the Police cells.

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Incite Politics

It’s Winston ‘The Tool Man’ Peters

Peters is assumed to have forfeited 90 percent of his conservative support. In response to this strategic error, all National believes it has to do is position itself as the only “genuine” conservative party, swallow-up NZ First’s right-wing support, and emerge sufficiently enlarged to govern alone . . .

Guns off the Streets… Nek Minnit

Since the Christchurch terror attack, the media hand in glove with the government have done their very best to demonise gun owners. Now the Deputy Police Commissioner Mike Clement has gone one step further… he is demonising inanimate objects!

Guns cannot be “evil” in their nature, as he claims, any more than other inert pieces of wood, metal or plastic. The people holding the guns committing crimes are the evil ones. If guns are evil, then spoons cause obesity, and pencils, pens and keyboards cause spelling mistakes.

Police are hitting back at claims the gun buyback won’t make New Zealand safer, since bad guys won’t be the ones handing over their weapons.

[…] But Clement said it doesn’t matter who owns the guns now – as long as they exist, they’re a threat.
I can tell you that there are far too many guns that are evil in their nature in this country…

[…] “If we take tens of thousands of firearms off the streets during the next six months, then I absolutely think New Zealand has to be a safer place.”
[…] He added that police are working on how to take newly illegal guns off gang members and others who don’t give them up.
“Of course we’re not going to have people walking up to a collection point if you’re a gang member… and handing it across to police.”

When presented with evidence from Australia that a gun buyback will not make New Zealand safer, Deputy Police Commissioner Mike Clement disagreed and became overbearing in the TV interview.

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Another Underpants Stealing Plan

If Bridges wants to do more as Prime Minister than get his portrait hoisted in an obscure corridor of Parliament he needs to win office in his own right and to do that he must end Peters’ political career.

  • Phase 1: End Winston’s political career
  • Phase two: ?
  • Phase 3: Become PM

What Damien Grant doesn’t seem to realise is that in order for his grand underpants stealing plan to work National will need to be well in front of Labour in the first place. As we all know that is currently not the case.

[…] Bridges has two options. He can dance around the prospect of having to sup with Peters, debasing himself and his party for a chance to be humiliated, tethered and degraded for three miserable years […]

  • Phase 1: Sup with Peters
  • Phase 2: ?
  • Phase 3: Become PM
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Top Ten Posts of the Week

This Monday morning post is to provide you with the links to the top TEN most read posts of the past week so that you can easily catch up on the most interesting and popular posts written by our Whaleoil writers over the past 7 days ( Sunday to Monday).

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The Puff Pieces Are Coming Thick and Fast Now

Did you ever see the movie “Groundhog Day”? Where exactly the same things happened every day? The hero was caught in some weird time warp, forced to relive the events of one day over and over, until finally, the time warp vanished, and he was set free… into the arms of the woman he loved.

Well, it has been a bit like that here in New Zealand recently and it probably isn’t over yet.

Cheese scones have just come out of the oven, but Ardern and Gayford are quick to confess they didn’t cook them – they were delivered by the previous journalist through Ardern’s door, broadcaster Hilary Barry.
After making herself busy poking around our camera gear Neve has been taken off for a walk and Gayford has disappeared somewhere after making himself a hot drink.

Interesting that the world’s greatest stay-at-home Dad was not the one to take Neve for a walk. Let’s not bother pretending that they don’t have a team of nannies and minders at their beck and call.

The interview is to mark the half-way point in the election cycle for the Ardern government – a catch up and a progress report on what’s been achieved so far, and what might be Labour’s unfinished business.

The thing is, I’m sure I’ve read all this before… very recently. Am I in a time warp? Is Bill Murray on my doorstep?

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Daily Code Cracker

Welcome to our daily code cracker.

Readers have requested a daily code cracker so we have sourced one from the same quality provider as our daily crossword.

It is available for ALL readers who have a subscription package with Whaleoil.

Now you can safely cancel your newspaper subscription as your final remaining reason to keep it has now gone. Instead, you can sign up for one of our subscription packages and enjoy both sudoku and crosswords online on Whaleoil.

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