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A conservative defence of Halloween

Too Right

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Halloween Party (1970s). It gets worse the longer you look at it. This would trigger A LOT of people today and send them off the deep end.

Halloween is not big with the conservatively minded. It is seen as a primer in paganism, an anti-Christian gateway drug, leading to an adulthood of excessive mascara application, dressing in black and taking Aleister Crowley seriously. Others becry its American confection, viewing it as an overly commercialised import to these islands; in the same class as Hip Hop, Starbucks or caring about Kim Kardashian.

Yet, with a little effort, much can be found in this festival to please the conservative soul.

For starters, the patrimony of Halloween is not American at all but Irish. Modern candy and costume Halloween is the bastard child of the Catholic All Saints Eve and the pagan festival of Samhain brought to the US by Paddy migrants. The ancient Celts marked the end of summer good times with bonfires and feasts, steeling themselves for the long nights of winter misery ahead.  Guinness was later invented to serve a similar purpose. So, if you are an O’Rourke or a Regan or descended from one (as around 60,000 kiwis are), observing Halloween is keeping an honourable ancestral tradition alive. Although we should be wary of emulating these particular contributors to our collective genetic code too closely – they were also rather keen on human sacrifice.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Madam President Jacinda Ardern

Too Right

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Photoshopped image credit: Pixy

Last week, 1ZB carried a report on possums infesting the walls of the prime minister’s residence, Premier House. Of course, it didn’t take the possums’ side. Taking the marsupial’s point of view, the pests are our prime minister and her male companion. Oh, how the poor little buggers must suffer. The earnest discussions about feminism or the environment coming through the walls. The dance music. The complete lack of loosely tied supermarket plastic bags full of food scraps dumped outside for them to scavenge.

The title of this deeply-biased-against-possum-kind report was: ‘Noisy Intruders keeping the First Family Awake.’

First Family?

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Collectivism: The last refuge of the scoundrel

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Prostitutes wait for business outside a brothel in Phnom Penh. AFP

Many moons ago, before hair loss, divorce and cheap scotch had reduced me to my current pitiful state, I did my O.E on the cheap, backpacking around South East Asia. In Cambodia, between manning the girly bars at night and frequenting the (perfectly legal…honestly, mum) marijuana pizza joints in the day, I somehow found myself in a ‘Cultural village’.

It was a curious place.

A museum of sorts with grand waxwork dioramas telling, in exquisite detail and in vivid colour, the story of that benighted nation. The scenes tended to the gory and the palette to a Santa suit shade of red, for the years when the khymer Rouge really got going. The last but one display summarised post Pol Pot Cambodia – a U.N ‘blue hat’ with his arms around a Cambodian ‘lady of easy virtue’.

According to W.H.O estimates, in 1991 there were 6000 prostitutes in the country. In 1992 a year after U.N peacekeepers arrived, there were well over 20,000. The legacy of the U.N in Cambodia can be measured by the number of H.I.V infections. In 1995, three years after the arrival of their U.N saviours there were between 50,000 – 90,000 people with H.I.V.

I skipped the girly bars after that.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Why can’t we handle the truth?

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


In a speech delivered to students, Fraser High School principal Virginia Crawford said she didn’t want her students to become statistics.

Last week saw a truly stunning event in New Zealand Education. A lone voice in a profession known for its bloviating bullshitters actually decided to tell the truth. No impenetrable teacherly jargon, nothing wrapped in political theory slightly left of Pol Pot, just some facts.

And she got nailed for it.

Hamilton Principal Virginia Crawford of Fraser High school told students at a school assembly that the more they were truant the more they ran the risk of a string of unfortunate life outcomes – among them imprisonment, illiteracy, decreased life expectancy, drug problems and rape. RAPE. Needles scratched across records, pearls were collectively clutched, and gobs were collectively smacked.

‘RAPE doesn’t ‘discriminate!’ It’s ‘disgusting’ to tell students they will get raped if they wag school.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Wanker word of the week: Decolonisation

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Cartoon by Behrendt on decolonisation in Africa (January 1960)

The annual government enforced Te Reo week has prompted the usual high-minded musings from media and academic worthies. Some made sense – Te reo as taonga that needs some protection from government much like the Kiwi or the kakapo – others did not. These invoked the concept of ‘decolonisation’.

Reminiscent of a shady medical practice involving rubber tubing and being spread eagled on a medical table, your correspondent Dr Black was perplexed. Faced with a left-wing term of nebulous meaning, I of course made for the online version of the popular ‘yoof’ magazine ‘Teen Vogue’. I find it an invaluable lexical resource when defining such terms as they seem to be created and used most frequently by teenage girls. According to ‘Tina’ (or was it ‘Becca’? I forget), decolonisation is ‘reclaiming what was taken and honouring what we still have’.

Tina/Becca goes on to define colonisation (which she thinks we should be decolonising from) as ‘the stealing of lands; the raping of women; the taking of slaves; the breaking of bodies through fighting, labor, imprisonment, and genocide; the stealing of children; the enforcement of religion; the destruction (of) spiritual ways of life’. Struth. I’m guessing it was all bad then, right? Well only in the Tina/Becca thirteen-year old girl view of the world. Trouble is this is pretty much also the adult lefty view of the world. Marama Davidson for example. So, Tina/Becca/Marama may I proffer an alternative list?

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Should the moon be American?

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Last week one of those controversies that could only exist in the age of the Twittersphere set the American commentariat briefly alight. First Man a biopic of Neil Armstrong currently doing the festival circuit irked the patriotic by not depicting America’s proudest moment – the planting of the stars and stripes on the surface of the moon. Little Marco Rubio, a former presidential contender (till the Don showed him the door), tweeted out that the movie was ‘total lunacy’ for the admission and reminded everyone that Americans had paid for and built the rockets and that ‘it wasn’t a U.N mission’.

Always good to see elected servants of the people weighing in on matters of vital importance.

Like movie criticism.

Of course, like most who take umbrage at the content of movies, he hadn’t actually sat through the thing. But in his clumsy, patriot signalling way, did he have a point?

Well, in Dr Black’s estimation, yes and no.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Sex dolls & the unmanning of Bradley

Too right!

A regular column by John Black.

Rightminds.nz


Man using blow-up sex doll as a flotation device

One can imagine the scene. Group of blokes on a fishing trip in the back of beyond. A few beers at the end of the day. Kev the ‘dag’ of the group opens his rucksack and pulls out a mysterious bundle. ‘Meet Cindy’ he announces as he starts to blow up his pneumatic friend. Hoots of laughter from all assembled as she slowly assumes her aerodynamic best. Kev tosses her to Stu, who gives her a mock spanking. Stu plonks her on Murray who bounces her on his crotch. Then Stevo pulls out…his phone and starts filming.

Something like the above occurred not long ago on an annual fishing trip organised by trades tutors at the Waikato Institute of Technology (WINTEC). Blokeish, immature and sub-Benny Hill comedically, but neither atypical for men letting loose together nor harmful in any obvious way. ‘No one was harmed in the making of this film…’

That is until some spiteful prude furnished management with a copy.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Not so polarised: Review of Cornel West & Douglas Murray

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


Douglas Murray

‘Polarised’ the title of last night’s public discussion between the academic Dr Cornel West and the writer Douglas Murray, was something of a misnomer. While the differences in their political outlooks were evident – Murray the English Oxbridge educated small ‘c’ conservative, West the black American preacher of radical leftism – what they had in common resonated more strongly. Read more »

One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

Right at last

Too Right!

A regular column by John Black

Rightminds.nz


‘Work, the curse of the drinking classes’, my father used to announce every Sunday night as he mentally prepared himself for the start of the working week. There was a brief period between being old enough to understand what he meant and realising he’d stolen it from Oscar Wilde where this line had me admiring his cleverness. I should have known better. His next best line was ‘here son, pull my finger.’

The line impresses even less now. A stock Wildean quip: flippant ironic inversion trading wisdom for wit.

Wilde, quaffing chateau de wanker in London drawing rooms, knew a thing or two about drinking but he knew bugger all about work.

Far from being a curse, work, for the humbler members of our society, can be a source of pride and essential dignity.

With the launch of Mana in Mahi (Strength in Work) the Labour Government recognizes this. Putting young people who have been on the dole for more than six months to work (three months more than originally promised) by paying employers a subsidy. Though the scheme is small (a 150-person pilot, expanding to 4000 people next year) and rife with potential hazards (employers ditching existing employees for cheaper subsidized ones, its voluntary nature) it is at long last, a step in the ‘right’ direction. The last time the government tinkered with welfare they removed the requirement for women seeking the sole parent benefit to name the father of their child now sucking on the state’s tit. Mana in Mahi is a welcome, if slight improvement.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.

A new low

Too right!

A regular column by John Black.

Rightminds.nz


So, the ‘Alt-right’ rabble rousers Mr Molyneux and Ms Southern have departed our shores and we the impressionable populace have been spared exposure to the bacillus of their ideas, that our betters in the media felt sure would have sent us into the streets foaming at the mouth seeking minorities to abuse and harass. The multicultural mantra repeated by bien pensant tongues throughout media, academia, and at Golriz Ghahraman’s dinner parties has droned a little louder, drowning out all criticism, all questions.

Equilibrium has returned. All is calm. All is good.

Bollocks.

The turmoil is just beginning. The majority of kiwis cherish their birthright of liberty, incubated in the British Isles and exported to these islands, the same liberty that allows them to question the direction of their country regarding such fundamental matters as immigration and cultural change. A Left-wing elite that seeks to disregard such popular feelings, scolding with furrowed brows any critique of multiculturalism as ‘hate speech’, is on a collision course with the majority.

We haven’t had our Trump or Brexit moment yet, but it’s brewing.

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One of the only right-wing people in Education (we hold our meetings in a broom closet). I spend my nights drinking and working on the great New Zealand novel. I’m white, male and straight – so it’s all my fault. All of it.