asking for help

My struggle with alcohol

Hi, I’m Pete, and I am an alcoholic (“Hi Pete!”)

Just to catch your attention: when I was seriously off the rails (many years ago), I was downing between a bottle and a bottle and a half of vodka a day.

Yeah.

I was sober for many years after coming out of that period of my life. And then I made a huge mistake. I thought that I had learned from that period, and this time, I would simply control my drinking.

This isn’t a story about how I turned my life around. It isn’t about getting your approbation or sympathy.

It is however about something I discovered about alcoholism as it affects me, and making the assumption I am not unique, I’m writing this so others may find some insight from it.

You see, I don’t ask for help. I’m very independent. And I take responsibility for (most) of my actions. I started drinking, it’s all my fault, I should stop.

“Just stop”.

There is a part of you that knows what you’re doing. It knows you’re going down the wrong track. It knows that eventually there will come a moment when things have to change.

But not yet.

Just then, the need to keep drinking is bigger than the need not to.

I am a strong proponent of personal responsibility. I knew I was using it as a crutch, and I knew I would have to pay for it eventually.

But the odd thing was that the part of me that was drinking had more control over me than the part that wanted to stop.

I know what that reads like.

It did my head in.

Why could I not control myself?   Read more »