BRENDON BURNS

Back to the Chateau

The lumpenproletariat of Christchurch Central decided to send Lord Burns back to his country seat in Marlborough.

He has decided to return permanently, and is supposedly cultivating the finest range of chardonnay for socialists New Zealand has ever seen.

Former Christchurch Central MP Brendon Burns has brought down the curtain on his political career, opening the way for new blood to challenge for the seat, which the party believes it can win back in 2014.

Burns, who lost the seat to National’s Nicky Wagner by 47 votes at the 2011 election, said he had told Labour leader David Shearer and party president Moira Coatsworth earlier this month and formally told his local electorate committee last week that he would not seek the nomination again.

Asked if that was the end of politics for him, he said: “Yes, I think it is”.

Christchurch Central confirmed for National

Brendon Burns asked for a judicial recount and as a result Nicky Wagner has had her majority increased by another two votes:

Press Release by Electoral Commission at 11:01 am, 14 Dec 2011

The judicial recount of the electorate votes for the Christchurch?Central electorate has been completed and National Party candidate?Nicky Wagner has been confirmed as winning the seat with a majority of?47 votes.

The recount was brought as a result of an application filed by Labour?Party candidate Brendon Burns on 12 December. ?The recount was?conducted under the direction of a District Court Judge on 13 December?at the headquarters of the Returning Officer for the Christchurch?Central electorate in the presence of candidate scrutineers.

Apart from a Electoral petition, and that costs more than $100,000, that is the end of the road for Lord Burns of Marlbourough who will now have to retire to his country house.

Final results are:

Lord Burns and Verisimilitude

Lord Burns has descended again from his country seat for the rather tiresome task of convincing the Lumpenprolitariat they are blessed by having such a fine MP representing them, and they should tug their forelocks and vote for him on November 26th.

In aid of this tiresome task Lord Burns has started manipulating the hoi polloi in the media to help his ends. Obviously Lord Burns is beyond reproach and this blog would never suggest he is lying in his latest missive to the masses, as it is surely beneath Lord Burns to lie. Nor would it suggest he has pulled something out of his posterior, as he is well known not to be either self serving or one of the gaggle so there is not much room in his posterior to begin with.

Lord Burns, however, does need someone to question the degree of verisimilitude of this statement:

Earthquake Recovery Minister Gerry Brownlee must front up and confirm the Government’s plans to install commissioners in the Christchurch City Council and sell its assets, says Christchurch Central MP Brendon Burns.

Unfortunately for Lord Burns sources inside the socialist republic as well as the beltway say there is absolutely no chitter chatter about commissioners replacing the council. The reason for this is Gerry Brownlee has no intention of doing an ounce more work than is necessary, and installing commissioners would require a huge amount of extra effort for a man unused to exertion to begin with. With all the exertion Big Gerry has had to undertake in the last year he is not contemplating exerting himself any further as he has been neglecting important things like eating and the restoration of Christchurch?s pie shops to their pre earthquake level.

What if National win….

If National win Mana, Palmerston North, Rimutaka, Christchurch Central and Waimakariri then the following lose their electorate seats:

  • Cosgrove
  • Fa’afoi
  • Hipkins
  • Lees-Galloway
  • Burns

If they lose them and Labour stay at 29% in the polls then the following five stay or make it to Parliament.

  • Deborah Mahuta-Coyle
  • Stuart Nash
  • Brendon Burns
  • Chris Hipkins
  • Michael Wood

In a victory for all those who oppose penis lollies Michael Wood replaces the stenographer rooter Iain Lees-Galloway. Stuart Nash replaces Fa’afoi.

All this makes you wonder a lot about the gaggle of gays and how they rigged the list ranking process. There is no way that Labour are better served by long time trougher and serial useless bastard Rick Barker than they would be with short term trougher and ex-rooter Stu Nash. One represents the distant past, and not to well either, and the other the future. Why did the gaggle decide Rick was worth more than Stu?

Unless the Labour caucus can grow some balls and work out that unless they “Gillard” Goff some very good capable talent will be lost to them for a very long time and labour will not be in contention fro several more cycles. julia Gillard rolled Kevin Rudd and saved labour just two short months before the election in Australia.

Does anyone in Labour here have the courage to do that?

Blessed with choice

Labour face a real problem. When Darren Hughes finally accepts that his position is untenable and not even Helen Clark can save him, they have to pick a new List MP from?the?following in this order:

38 Judith Tizard – Anti-MMP campaigners wet dream

39 Mark Burton – a man so useless even Helen Clark fired him and no one in Taupo could stomach him in local body politics either.

40 Mahara Okeroa – Who?

41 Martin Gallagher – Beaten by Tim MacIndoe…need I say more

42 Dave Hereora – Union thug

43 Louisa Wall – Unlikeable Maori dyke, not even the Rainbow Labour faction likes her

44 Lesley Soper – The sole remaining pro-life campaigner in the Labour party and long haired hippy

45 Clare Curran

46 Grant Robertson

47 Chris Hipkins

48 Iain Lees-Galloway

49 Brendon Burns

50 Hamish McCracken – perennial loser, couldn’t win a raffle at a bowling club

So if they have a deal with Judith Tizard for her NOT to come back to?parliament, the price has just gone up. If she sticks with their deal then Labour have six more even worse options if that were at all possible.

More Pork Pies from Pork Chop

Hot on her pig trotters of making shit up and having to issue grovelling apologies in this weeks national “Tony Veitch stalking til the death” Herald on Sunday, Pork decided to invade the privacy of plenty of her resource materials and link herself to them. The better entries…..

5. The best home-entertaining couple: Bill Ralston and Janet Wilson who seem to have a bottomless fridge.

Poor Bill and Janet. If its bad enough to be outed as inviting her over, Porkchop has tried to reach the bottom of their fridge. Of course the bludging pig should be bringing her own alcohol to be a good guest so we can only think Pork is talking about the food in the fridge.

Janet and Bill should apply for a WINZ grant to refill their fridge after Pork struck. Little wonder they both look so thin. Or perhaps Shayne Currie has another spare $20k to victims of Spy to compensate their economic and reputational loss.

9. Best place to stalk Paul Henry

Gannet Road cafe, Herne Bay, post morning show.

Guess he won’t be seen there again….well done Porkie. Gannet Road management will be impressed.

16. The Best Midnight Snack Kitchen

TVNZ…….Mike Valentine is a culinary whiz in the kitchen too. His early morning fry-ups are perfect to sober up any sozzled house guest. Trust me.

So Mike Valentine’s reputation is over. Porkie stayed at his house. The mind boggles what circumstances led to that.

24. The Best Suzy Homemaker

Susan Wood….beautifully kept Parnell townhouse, a fridge full of French champers and a propensity to entertain friends who turn up looking for a party. Guilty.

Once again Pork bludging around celebs for food and alcohol. Worse for Susan she now becomes the target for speculation among her friends as a source for gossip in Porkchop’s weekly works of fiction.

Conclusion: Porkie can expect a whole lot less invites now she’s paraded associations in Spy.

Wood and TVNZ in court

[Imported from Whale Oil Beef Hooked on Blogger]

Close-Up presenter Susan Wood and TVNZ are in court today over the state-owned broadcaster?s attempt to cut more than $100,000 from her salary.

Iceberg: Tip of