Champagne

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Expensive way to open a bottle of Cristal

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Proof: Champagne is a socialist’s drink (so long as someone else is paying)

I hope no one tells Cactus Kate about this startling new discovery…tough to be fair she buys her own champagne…because no one else can afford her preferred tipple.

It’s official: champagne is a socialist’s drink. That’s according to a consumer study from the US that has correlated what people imbibe with their voting habits. Apparently, wine-drinkers are most likely to turn out at elections (the hangovers are lighter than for spirits) and rum is the most bipartisan tipple of all. Right-wingers prefer whiskeys such as Jim Beam and Wild Turkey. Left-wingers like prosecco, vodka, gin and champagne.

The survey has plenty of gaps. What if, like me, you spent New Year’s Eve mixing your drinks? Does that shot of vodka washed down with a glass of whisky make me an undecided voter, or just a diabetic waiting to happen? And what’s the significance of people’s taste in nibbles? Red meat for the conservatives; canapes for the socialists. Meanwhile, those of us who prefer a fun party to a political party just abstain from eating altogether.

The survey is American, so how would it translate into British politics? Well, in my experience, fiscally unsound Labourites will drink anything that’s put in front of them. So long as someone else is paying.

Or how would it translate into NZ politics.

I somewhat suspect that Labour politicians no longer drink beer, with the exception of Shane Jones and Damian O’Connor…they alone would drink beer and from the bottle.

If they were drinking beer it would probably be Stella Artois or that Mexican rubbish.

The Greens though they’d want something recycled…probably their own urine.

The Maori party would drink only Lion Brown…seems suitable if you get the pun.

Act? The younger hipster types would be Absinthe drinkers for sure. Top shelf for the older ones.

National…fine wines with quality beers for BBQs. The Young Nats would certainly hook into Farrar’s free liquid panty remove…if only they were into chicks.

A recipe for Cactus

This is extremely unlikely in the Cactus household, firstly because there probably never be any left over champagne and secondly because it involves cooking…unless the maid did it.

A recipe for champagne marshmallows:

When you’re not feeling especially celebratory, make these with any sparkling wine or even beer (for a whole different animal!). If you’d rather just make a plain ol’ marshmallow, check out that recipe here. Leave the vanilla out to let the champagne flavor shine through, or use it to soften the champagne’s tartness. If you like the idea of “champagne and roses,” whip in a little rose flower water at the end of mixing, with or without the vanilla.

champagne marshmallows

Everything you wanted to know about Champagne

This is for Cactus, who I am sure doesn’t give a hoot and is popping another bottle right now:

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Hangover cures

As a public service to readers with self inflicted injuries here are some handy hangover cures from famous heavy drinkers.

Ernest Hemmingway provides a cure that Cactus Kate may approve of:

Death in the Afternoon — named after his 1932 bullfighting tale — involves an absinthe and champagne blend. Hemingway described how to mix the hangover helper, which requires a healthy dose to take effect. “Pour 1 jigger of absinthe into a champagne glass. Add iced champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly.”

 

The whole front page for a bottle of champagne

The NZ Herald used pretty much the whole front page for a non-story about the SFO drinking a $70 bottle of champagne that they didn’t pay for.

Sometimes I think newspapers should carry warning labels.

Busted Blonde is a fake and shits on her friends

So we all helped Busted Blonde take home the piss in the crass Veuve Clicquot/NBR competition.

What the silly bitch didn’t know was just how much work went in behind the scenes to amp the the pressure on the stupid Managing Editor who clearly had a rush of shit tot he brains when engaging with social media.

Chaos and mayhem was sole driver to blogosphere support, In between extensive tweets, facebook posts and blog post there were also pre-emptory emails to the idiot managing editor predicting the coming shit storm across the blogosphere. The fool even emailed me to ask what he could do to avoid making NBR and Veuve Clicquot famous in a “bad way” and then spectacularly failed to take my advice. Make no mistake the blogopshere saw this as a chance to kick Barry Colman, his pay-wall, his rag of a mag and Veuve Clicquot squarely in the nuts.

Another person who prefers the sound of her own voice and fails to listen to advice is the Busted Blonde also known as Brunette. She caved just when NBR was flat on the floor and settled for about half the amount of piss she could have got had the sting continued to run.

It was out of complete disgust with her blancmange pudding like softness that stopped me dropping a copy of the birthday edition of NBR and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot with some hookers and a video camera.

As the kicking was being administered across the blogosphere Busted Blonde was desperately trying to appear concilairoty in an attempt to “make bloggers appear nice”. Well excuse me, but who asked for her fucking opinion. Bloggers aren’t nice, we are evil and especially when delivering one of the best kickings ever to the double target of a mainstream media outlet (The owner of which hates bloggers) and a worldwide premium brand in the guise of Veuve Clicquot.

The fact that we were getting a blow by blow account of Barry Colman’s rage as it unfolding on the poor fool of a managing editor was even more special.

And the ultimate aim, a whole pile of piss to the weight of an extremely fat woman and a party in Frank Kitts lagoon.

Busted Blonde's NBR entry

Have we seen the party? Of course not, because Busted Blonde, the bloody great pudding wants to have a charity function woth the free piss comepletly against her stated ambitions for winning the competition. It seems only fair that if we kicked the shit out of “Liar” Joe Holden then we should do the same to Busted Blonde.

When Barry Colman finally realised what his fool of an editor had unleashed he dipped into his own pocket to stump up with the piss. This si what that tough blogger Busted Blonde had to say about it in emails.

We won. They have apologised. I win my weight in veuve clicquot. Now we under no circumstances gloat. They are putting up a full apology on nbr. So say nothing till it goes up. Now we have a party for charity to organise. And thanks everyone. NBR themselves are putting up the veuve.

That was the first anyone had heard about a so called charity function. The equally spongy soft Farrar likewise thought gloating wasn’t in order. Screw that, this was a massive hit against the big boys and the really big were going soft. Trying to stay good with Barry Colman. Like good little troughers suckling at the trough they didn’t want to bite the hands that feed them.

Well, the legal attache and the enforcer of the VRWC had two words to say about charity, especially as Colman was a tight-arse and only coughed 58 bottle of Veuve Clicquot.

I called for a vote to evict Busted Blonde from the VRWC because she was now fawning all over Barry Colman, even begging me to remove the image of a Veuve Clicquot bottle jammed p someones arse. My answer was that I wasn’t playing her game, I never was. she was now off on a tangent far removed from the piss up of wankers in Frank Kitts lagoon. She doesn’t want to raise money for charity, she wants to make herself look good and to create her own “legend”. The fact is that without Dpf, me or Cactus plus the other heavy hitters of the VRWC she would never have made it across the line and would have settled for what she got in the first place, a stink magnum of the vile Veuve Clicquot.

I waited for the thanks to arrive too. And waited. And waited. None, not even one little bottle was forthcoming. Neither was an invitation to the pissup. The reason apparently was “her integrity” would be at risk. Right…let’s examine that shall we….an anonymous blogger who likes to brag about her posts on Facebook, so isn’t so anonymous, who got in trouble at her job for blogging so retired the character only to revitalise the lifeless corpse for a compeition to win piss, all the time still blogging under the new blogname of Brunette, in the same style as Busted Blonde, still posting the posts to Facebook and all the time pretending they aren’t the same person. Hmmmm….how is that integrity holding up…..straining as much as the elastic on her panties one would suspect.

Once I started pointing out that 60 bottles of low-class Veuve Clicquot would be hoovered up in about 60 seconds by all her leeching media mates in Wellington, who would refuse to attend said charity function unless they had a freebie and starte to also work out that the fat slapper was mouthing of around Wellington what a great job she did in winning the competition I hit the roof. Hel Cactus Kate and I drank 10 bottles of champagnes election night 2008 between us. How long does Busted Blonde think 60 bottles are going to last once Sean Plunket and the other media heavy weights hoe into it. nd how long did she think her pretense of anonymity was going to last at her public sector trough job once she started promoting a failure of a charity event.

The problem Busted Blonde has is this, she caved when put under pressure, she craves the limelight but her job precludes it, which was why we got the gay V3 cartoon image of a blonde several hundred kilos lighter than the real thing, and she promised literally hundreds of people a party which she now wants to charge us all to attend.

My idea of dropping the pallet of piss down in front of the City Mission and watching chaos and mayhem ensue and video it all for Youtube holds more apeal than sharing a third of a glass of champagne with people I can’t stand. Well screw her and her non-thanks, and screw her and her stupid idea of a charity function. Next thing she will be wanting to raise money for the uninsured of Christchurch.

I almost wish “Liar” Joe Holden had won, at least he would have had a piss up.

I have a new policy in place now that stands for all the fuckwits that I have helped without a word of thanks, its called the Fuck You policy. I can and will go postal on you when I get the chance, think of it as my way of saying fuck you very much. I will no longer be taken for granted.

De-friending and de-linking policy is in force. FFS sake everyone, except Busted Blonde/Brunette knows not to piss on the Whale. She must be stupid, but then that is probably why she works for a government department.

Barry Colman shows some spine, Veuve Clicquot still cheapstakes

So Barry Colman has returned from his holiday to find his flagship brand has been assaulted and violated by his inept staff and conscientious, diligent, vicious bloggers holding them to account.

He, note he…because as NBR have announced:

The National Business Review unreservedly apologises for the confusion surrounding our 40th birthday competition. It was never our intention to cause confusion about the voting for the Win Your Weight in Veuve promotion but people have expressed frustration and we have listened to their concerns.

The official winner (as chosen by the judges from the top 10 voted entries) will be announced, on schedule, in NBR print tomorrow.

In addition, the publisher will personally provide Busted Blonde’s weight in Veuve Clicquot to her to demonstrate that NBR will not allow its integrity, transparency or honesty in its dealings with its readers to be compromised in any way. She received the most online votes in the competition and NBR happily salutes that success.

As a responsible host, the publisher would, however, appeal to Busted Blonde to urge her guests to wear life jackets if celebrating their win on Wellington Harbour.

Let the festivities begin.

So NBR found a conscience, or at least Barry Colman did, whilst Veuve Clicquot have remained staunch in spiking Busted Blonde. But the win isn’t as the press release says. “The Publisher” isn’t providing Busted Blondes weight in champagne, he is providing only 62 bottles. That is 62 x 750ml bottles of Veuve Clicquot. Given that 750ml of champagne weighs around 800gms without the bottle then either Busted Blonde has had the fastest weight-loss known to man and is now a svelte 49.6 kilos or “The Publisher” is a tight-arse cheapskate and included the weight of the glass receptacle holding the champagne.

Given their Terms and Conditions state that the prize is the winners weight in champagne, not champagne bottles, this seems stingy and mean. The only reason the VRWC backed Busted Blonde is because she said she weighs heaps, which means heaps of booze, sans bottles. 100kgs of Veuve Clicquot is actually 125 bottles or rounded to 22 cases of champagne.

NBR-Veuve Clicquot - T&C-Screen shot

NBR-Veuve Clicquot - T&C

NBR, Colman and Veuve Cliquot need to man-up and settle properly. Their reasons for Busted Blonde not winning in the first place were because her entry was too crass, yes, that’s right, too crass. Exactly how that is measured when the competition is to win your weight in piss, flying in the face of Pedobear Power’s concerns over binge brinking, albeit high priced piss is beyond me. The competition is crass in and of itself. Not only that the competition also encourages rapid weight gain and obesity linked with excessive alcohol consumption….responsible advertising involving alcohol…I think not.

They had a competition, they enlisted social media, they changed the rules and got smashed via social media. It isn’t good enough to get away without a penalty payment, and I say they should pay her weight in champagne, as per the terms and conditions, without the bottle.

Here’s hoping NBR enjoys their birthday as much as I am going to. I’m thinking….another sponsor….100 kilos of champagne…a real party….and no Veuve Clicquot in sight. My ban on Vueve Clicquot stands. Anyway it is rubbish champagne, especially when you can get Champagne Bruno Paillard from The Wine Vault for the same price. The nice guys at the store and the distributor even said to me today that if you buy Champagne Bruno Paillard from them and mention that you heard about it on Whaleoil then you can get a 10% discount on it, making this champagne, not only better than Veuve Clicquot but better priced too.

NBR - Veuve Clicquot Award

NBR - Veuve Clicquot Award