fiction

We don’t ban anything, but we do try to help

Here at Whaleoil, we refrain from banning the things we don?t like, unlike the snowflakes and social justice warriors who seek to regularly Tiso retailers over what they can and can?t sell.

However, we aren?t above trying to educate our nations retailers and manufacturers when they get something wrong, so they can do the right thing and make changes as they see fit. ? Read more »

If Whaleoil did to Hager what Hager did to Whaleoil

I was just minding my business walking along the beach when a chap calling himself CookedFish handed me a thumb drive. It contained “leaked” information from a hack he had done on the extreme left, controversial, trust fund baby and Marxist writer Sticky Nicky Hager.

I had heard about the hack through political circles and since I was already (conveniently) writing a book on the topic of Marxist writers who are Trust fund babies who are controversial, I had put some feelers out hoping to make contact with the mysterious figure known only as CookedFish.

Trying to hide my excitement I rushed?home and slowly made my way through eight years worth of alt-left Hager’s personal and private communications. It was shocking stuff.

Read more »

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What would be your zombie plan?

The Herald has an interesting article about what looks to be a fun event.

I am a 39-year-old man in excess of 1.82m who is squealing like a little girl because a man in a zombie costume has just grabbed hold of his leg. To be fair, it is the middle of the night in the woods just outside Muriwai and I am busy trying to crawl away through a wet concrete tunnel, but still I should have expected something like this.

However many times I told myself during the Zombie Survival Challenge that none of this was real, I never quite shook the fear of the awful dull-coloured entities lurching out of the trees and into the trembling torchlight in my hands.

And it was great. ? Read more »

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Administrative Notice

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Did Goff tell another whopper?

Did Phil Goff tell another lie?

History would seem to indicate that he did. Now Fairfax brings a little bit more clarity to Goff’s truthiness issue.

He would not comment on reports that Mr Goff consulted his front bench on whether he should resign as leader. It was not his policy to comment on frontbench meetings, Mr Cunliffe said.

Mr Goff has denied the reports but Stuff has been told the conversation did happen.

However, veteran party sources say there was nothing unusual about the question.

It would be normal for a leader to canvass whether they were the problem if the polls were particularly bad.

Phil Goff is?adamant?that this discussion never took?place. Just like he was?adamant?that he was never briefed byt eh SIS when he was, and?adamant?that he had only known about the Darren Hughes affair for a couple of weeks when it was more like 4 or 5 weeks.

Why can’t Phil Goff tell us the truth?

Or could things be worse, Phil Goff actually believes what he says to be the truth, which indicates a far more serious issue for the man who would be Prime Minister.

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