humour

Dealing with anxiety at the top level

Ardern speaks about the budget at her office in the Beehive this week. Photo / Marty Melville

Is the prime minister still suffering from anxiety?

“I’m constantly anxious about making mistakes. Everything in politics feels so fragile,” she told Next magazine.

The rubber band is still prominently displayed on Jacinda’s wrist so, with the help of Healthyplace, here are some tips for our beloved comrade.

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In solidarity with the those in the world’s most despised demographic, WH has decided to ‘come out’ as an old white male. WH enjoys exercising the white-male privilege that Whaleoil provides for him by writing the occasional post challenging climate change consensus; looking at random tech issues that tweak his interest, as a bit of a tech nerd; or generally poking the borax at anyone in public life who goes on record revealing their stupidity. WH never excelled on the sports field because his coaches never allowed him to play in his preferred position on the right-wing. WH also enjoys his MG.

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A GCSB-intercepted message: Satire

 

Attn His Excellency the Iranian Ambassador to NZ
The Terrace
Wellington

Re: My Iranian passport renewal

Dear Your Excellency Ambassador Jaladin,

I am writing to renew my Iranian passport. I have put myself down as a “human rights specialist” but you shouldn’t worry – I don’t mean it literally, of course; I mean it in the UN sense. I’ve already told everyone here not to support those bloody pro-democracy activists you were having issues with. I’ve got your back!

Also, don’t worry about my association with the Holocaust Centre. I’ve infiltrated the centre as a payback for the Mossad’s recent theft of our archival treasure in Teheran. Not sure how long they’ll allow me to operate in there before they realise I’ve smuggled out their secret matza ball soup recipe to my handler, the double agent Justine Sachs. Anyway, no one will dare raise this in NZ soon because in a few years anyone who criticises me will be put in jail for hate speech if my friend Susan Devoy and I get our way. I can’t wait to make this place a little more like home. You can take the girl out of Teheran but you cant take Teheran out of the girl. Wink, wink.

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

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A new series of mental disorders currently under research

A recent article in the Australian Psychiatry, the journal of The Royal Australian and NZ College of Psychiatrists caught my attention.

It lists a new series of mental disorders currently under research.

I have decided to educate you all about them while having a bit of fun at the same time. This is not a serious or professional explanation of these new mental disorders.

Selfitis

Self-centeredness arising from the constant need for self-esteem reflected in the obsession of photographing one’s self to display the now called ‘selfies’ as trophies on social media internet websites.

Selfitis is closely related to Narcissism, Psychopathy, Machiavellianism and Self-Objectification.

Case Study: Chlöe Swarbrick

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

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The current crop of political incompetents: Part one

Jacinda Ardern is the minister for national security and intelligence.

She seems to have taken national security so seriously that she has forgotten that she promised an open and transparent government. As for intelligence, I assume that she is still looking for some.
Being the minister of arts, culture and heritage doesn’t seem an appropriate portfolio for a fish and chip wrapper from Morrinsville. Still, no doubt there’s an art to wrapping the fish, a culture among the fishing fraternity, and each fish must have a heritage.
She is also the minister for child poverty reduction. I went to the page to see what this meant and found it vacant, just like the minister.

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

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Socialism’s incredible record of failure

 

You really need to get with the programme dear reader. Socialism is the new black and puts the cool in communism.  Our dear leader has told us that capitalism has failed and that we really should give socialism a whirl. As the ex-president of the International Young Socialist League, she knows all about socialism.

The fact that socialism has a solid one hundred percent record of failure should not deter us because the next attempt to build a socialist society will be completely different. In fact according to some if you strip socialism down to its essence, and return it to its roots it is actually an ideology of “radical democracy.”( Yeah I don’t know what radical democracy means either.)

Nathan Robinson, the editor of Current Affairs magazine wrote that socialism has not “failed”. It has just never been done properly: Quote:

It’s incredibly easy to be both in favour of socialism and against the crimes committed by 20th century communist regimes. […]

When anyone points me to the Soviet Union or Castro’s Cuba and says “Well, there’s your socialism,” my answer […] [is] that these regimes bear absolutely no relationship to the principle for which I am fighting. […] The history of the Soviet Union doesn’t really tell us much about “communism” […] End of quote.

As you can see, those who sing the praises of socialism are very comfortable with pointing out its imagined benefits while ignoring historical evidence of its negatives.Quote. Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

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The skeleton in Genter’s family closet

Julie Anne Genter family photo: http://julieanne.nz/about-julie-anne/

I know that some of Julie Anne Genter’s best friends are old white men. In fact, I would hazard a guess that she may be harbouring samples of this subspecies within her own family. She shouldn’t feel embarrassed as we all have old, wrinkly skeletons in our closet.

I would like to think I have done my bit though. I rejected the opportunity to choose an old white male as my lifelong partner and, instead, married a young white woman as an unselfish gesture towards diversity. Being aware that company boards are 80% occupied by old white males, I tirelessly continued my crusade for diversity by siring five children, of which 80% were female. This, I would hope, through selective breeding, could potentially even the odds of gender equality. But, my four daughters have let me down. All have selected white young men as their lifelong partners all of whom will advance rapidly towards becoming old white men. You can’t say I haven’t tried.

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

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What rubbish, you eat them whole

Creme eggs

Quote:

A Cadbury’s worker has revealed the “correct” way to eat a Creme Egg – and it involves licking out the filling.

Shaheed Khattak, a systems maintenance engineer at the Cadbury factory in Bournville, Birmingham, said you firstly have to bite off the top of the popular chocolate treat.

End of quote:

Unlike people who write posts for blogs, since when has a systems maintenance engineer been an expert at anything except system maintenance?

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Libertarian and pragmatic anarchist. Treat everything the media says as a lie and know the narrative. Facts trump rhetoric.

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Memes only okay when Young Labour do it

Funny and okay.

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A contribution from Whaleoil staff and interns.

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Satire: Two inspiring social enterprises making a difference

Guest post:

In today’s series on local Wellington businesses making a difference, we talk to two social enterprises doing groundbreaking virtue signalling.

These two companies are remarkable as they employ refugees at the expense of ordinary citizens. It just goes to show how discrimination can work when put to a virtue-signalling cause du jour.

First, let’s talk with Peach Cafe’s Clara Mead.

Clara Mead suffers from an inability to read cookbooks.

Tell us about your business.

CM: We are a social enterprise that spends taxpayer money to hire refugees that no sane person capable of understanding world events would want in the country.

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A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

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Bless NewstalkZB’s diversity as they continue to employ a retarded host

It seems NewstalkZB has a diversity model that we should all emulate.

They continue to employ, and even give a column to, a clearly retarded person.

The latest dribble to hit her chin is an article where Rachel Smalley wails about there being no women on the coalition negotiation teams.

And so the negotiations go on.

It’s just a waiting game with National and Labour tip-toeing around parliament talking about how they can’t talk about anything right now but everything’s going well, it’s all very positive….and Winston Peters is like a rottweiler lunging at the end of his leash, snarling at the media like a dog who’s been poked with a stick one too many times.

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As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

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