humour

If Nicky Hager wrote newspaper headlines for a living

 

Hit and Run co-author Nicky Hager has admitted that they got the location for the raid wrong in their book but thinks that their error is okay because they got the name of the village correct. It is just as well that Hager isn’t the kind of journalist that writes newspaper headlines for a living. Imagine the confusion if he did.

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A new version of the YMCA classic hit

 

The YMCA used to stand for Young Men’s Christian Association but now the song goes something like this…

Y.M.C.A
Mount Roskill Village People

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I’m sure they meant to say, Fee paying Women’s learn to swim programme

screenshot-whaleoil

It is ridiculous enough to become a meme. The Auckland council’s spokesperson denied the existence of Muslim Women’s Swimming lessons, refused to answer my questions about them and said that they provided Women only lessons that all women were welcome to sign up for.

The women only swim times are not limited to women of the Muslim faith.

That is what he said but this is the WaterSafe swimming programme registration form:

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If Whaleoil did to Hager what Hager did to Whaleoil

I was just minding my business walking along the beach when a chap calling himself CookedFish handed me a thumb drive. It contained “leaked” information from a hack he had done on the extreme left, controversial, trust fund baby and Marxist writer Sticky Nicky Hager.

I had heard about the hack through political circles and since I was already (conveniently) writing a book on the topic of Marxist writers who are Trust fund babies who are controversial, I had put some feelers out hoping to make contact with the mysterious figure known only as CookedFish.

Trying to hide my excitement I rushed home and slowly made my way through eight years worth of alt-left Hager’s personal and private communications. It was shocking stuff.

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Who did it better?

You may have seen in the women’s magazines the “Who wore it better?” articles where female movie stars wearing the same dress are compared and given a score out of ten.

I have four different fundraising approaches for you to compare where I ask you to decide who did it better. You can give a score out of ten if you like and feel free to comment on the relative pros and cons of each approach.

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Photo of the Day

Taking a business call in the bathtub…”

Joan Rivers Life Lessons…

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery

Joan Rivers’ humour was not for the faint of heart, or the thin-skinned. The sometimes ruthless comedienne, took no prisoners when it came to put-down comedy; even a breezy stroll down the red carpet had the potential to become a roast when she was around. She was as hard working a performer as Hollywood has seen, and her success — at least in her view — never matched her ambitions. She didn’t necessarily struggle for money, but she needed to work constantly in order to maintain a lavish lifestyle, which included a palace-like apartment in Manhattan.

“I live very well,” she said in the 2010 documentary “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work.” “I enjoy my creature comforts, and I know I have to work for it.”

“Nothing has ever come easily for me,” Rivers once said “My whole career has just been hard, hurting, little steps. “

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

– Joan Rivers

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God help us. Urinals in women’s bathrooms for transgenders that identify as female

Surely the answer is to have unisex toilets everywhere?

 

 

Kumara Bill

Image-Lord Evans Whaleoil

 

screenshot-whaleoil

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Maybe Bishop Brian Tamaki was onto something

Everyone has been quick to mock Bishop Brian for saying that homosexuals cause earthquakes and other natural disasters but what if he is on to something? If gays cause things like earthquakes and lightning strikes then couldn’t we harness that power for good? This could become a policy platform for the Greens. Who needs nuclear power when you can harness the power of Gay.

gay-power-flag

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My inappropriate relationship with Colin Craig

Colin Craig

Colin Craig

There has been another man in our marriage for quite a while now. He casts a shadow over my husband and I and he is a threat to our happiness. He has been the subject of a number of my fantasies. In my favourite one, he slowly turns to me, loosens his tie and in a deep voice says, ” I am so sorry for putting you and your family through all this legal nonsense.” He then he signs a few cheques and rides off into the sunset never to be seen or heard of again.

Like so many inappropriate relationships the reality is never as good as the fantasy and yesterday I met Colin Craig for the very first time. Little was I to know that hours later he would be metaphorically lying in a pool of blood as the Judge (cast in the role of gunslinger) calmly blew the smoke from her six-shooter and then slid it firmly into her judicial holster. Colin had lost his case against us. He had been called a vexatious litigant over and over and over again and he had been told that  he was wasting the courts time. He was also told that in the extremely unlikely event that he won at trial that he would be awarded no damages at all as his poem, like his case had no value at all. It was a legal blood bath.

When I decided to meet the star of my fantasies for the first time it was my intention to stare him down using my evil look. My evil look is famous as it has been known to make grown men cower and even the mighty Cameron Slater has been known to cringe and avoid eye contact when I have aimed it in his direction.

When we arrived I looked around for the man that so callously uses his wealth to threaten those who exposed him and this is what I saw…

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