Funniest law of the year

House Bill 4260 has all the legal jargon of any other draft law presented to the Texas legislature.

And its stated aim ? to protect unborn children everywhere ? is a hot topic among American politicians.

But read its three pages and it turns out Jessica Farrar, a Democratic member of the Texas House of Representatives, has an unusual way of going about it: Fining men $100 for masturbating anywhere except in an approved medical facility.

I’d love to see how she proposes to monitor illicit male masturbation. ? Read more »

Osama bin Laden issued a fatwa on wanking

Muslim sensitivity training – South Park (S10E03) from Omar Zydan on Vimeo.

This was too good an opportunity to miss at taking the piss out of Osama bin Laden.

It seems he issued a fatwa on?wanking.

In January, the U.S. government released 49 new documents seized in 2011 from Osama bin Laden?s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Among the items ? the fourth and final batch of bin Laden documents made public since 2012 ? is a letter addressed to a senior colleague in North Africa in which the now-deceased al Qaeda leader raises ?a very special and top secret matter?:

It pertains to the problem of the brothers who are with you in their unfortunate celibacy and lack of availability of wives for them in the conditions that have been imposed on them. We pray to God to release them. I wrote to Shaykh/Doctor ((Ayman)), [al-Zawahiri], and I consulted with Shaykh ((Abu Yahya)) [al-Libbi]. ? Read more »

Registered school teacher wanker finally named


Once again we find out that the opposition claims of registration for teachers is the only way to protect kids in schools is a hollow promise.

I was told repeatedly during my school years and often afterwards that having gone to Auckland Grammar, a choice that was not mine, meant that I was a wanker.

However it turns out that my premise, that teachers I had were wankers, seems to have some validity.

The former teacher found guilty of masturbating in a classroom during school hours can now be named as Simon Bede James Toon. He was teaching at Auckland Grammar at the time.

The Herald can also reveal Toon resigned from a previous job at King’s College for downloading pornography.

Name suppression was lifted after the Herald successfully petitioned against a permanent order in a hearing at the High Court in Auckland.

Grammar did not support continued name suppression.

Toon, who taught maths at the school since 2001, was found guilty last month of committing an indecent act in an empty classroom at the school during lunchtime in June 2013.

His teaching certificate is under interim suspension and he is not currently teaching, stepping down when the incident was disclosed.

Toon had denied masturbating but had conceded watching pornography. His lawyer accused the schoolboy witness of “making up a story for his mates”.

Judge Anne Kiernan sentenced him to nine months supervision, with counselling or treatment as appropriate and 80 hours community work. She lifted suppression, but Toon appealed.

Read more »

Serial Wanker let out by dud judge


Judge Tony Fitzgerald has believed a cock and bull story from this wanker’s lawyer.

A serial public masturbator has avoided imprisonment after exposing his genitals on a bus just days after he was in court for a similar incident.

Richard Hona, 45, has a lengthy criminal history spanning nearly three decades, which includes more than 40 convictions for exposing himself in public, largely on buses, and masturbating in front of women.

He appeared for sentencing at the Auckland District Court today after pleading guilty to wilfully doing an indecent act on a Newmarket bus on April 6 – just five days after he was sentenced for masturbating near women on a bus twice earlier this year.

On that occasion, he avoided jail time and received an intensive supervision sentence so an experimental chemical castration drug treatment could continue.

His lawyer said the medication meant he was “no longer physically capable of being aroused” at the time.

Today he was sentenced to two years of intensive supervision under the conditions of not taking public transport and continuing counselling as well as the medication.

Defence lawyer Brett Ravelich said the system had failed his client.

Read more »

On circumcision

Apparently the headache excuse is real


Someone clearly had a point to prove….that when your missus says she has a headache that means no, rather than going to get her a couple of Panadol

It’s taken an army of mice (and a group of clever Canadian researchers) to crack open an old sexual chestnut and get at the meat inside: For women, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache” is not a passive-aggressive rebuff to a mate’s sexual invitation (not always, at least). It’s a biological phenomenon with deep evolutionary roots.

Even for females who’ve never watched a 1950s movie or been schooled in the art of sexual gamesmanship, bodily pain puts a serious damper on sexual desire, new research has revealed.

And pain reduction can help restore libido squelched by physical discomfort (which suggests that fetching an analgesic and a glass of water might be a better strategy than sulking or wheedling). ? Read more »


Masturbation wasn’t proven, but I bet he was registered

aaaaaaaaaaand another one

A teacher has been suspended after admitting watching pornography in his classroom.

In a Teachers’ Disciplinary Tribunal decision, released today, the teacher had his teaching certificate suspended for three months for serious misconduct.

He had also been accused by a pupil of masturbating in his classroom during a lunchbreak but denied this allegation.

Tribunal chairman Kenneth Johnston said it was not the tribunal’s place to resolve this factual conflict.

The accessing of pornography was enough to suspend the licence without proving the claim of masturbation, Johnston said. ? Read more »

Has Len Brown been moonlighting in Wanganui?


Photo/ via tipline

We all know that some truckies are wankers, but I don?t know of any wage paid drivers who have enough time to jerk off as a ?group? activity which would warrant such an approach. Owner drivers would not be subject to seat inspections.

Now if Len Brown has been moonlighting as a truck driver in Wanganui I can easily imagine this being an issue, and it only takes him two minutes so easily accomplished on driver rest breaks.? Read more »

Dear Lord, please don’t let Len Brown find the meth

This article has to be a candidate for headline for the year.

Headline of the Year?

Headline of the Year?

High on meth, tasered and fighting off 15 cops…all while having a tug.

An Oregon man who was high on meth reportedly fought off more than a dozen police officers in a Salem bar while allegedly publicly masturbating.

Andrew Frey, 37, made a series of outbursts and then began masturbating in Iggy Bar & Grill on Saturday, The Oregonian reports.

Police were unable to subdue Frey with a Taser. It took 15 officers to finally take him into custody, officials said.? Read more »

I bet Len signs up for this academic course

Is there no limit to academic study?

I’ll bet if this was a course available in Auckland Len Brown would get honours.

Elon University (Elon) in Elon, North Carolina, is offering students a course aimed at teaching them how better to masturbate.

A?re-tweet?sent out on the Elon oriented account?OnlyAtElon,?posted a screen-shot on Monday of the course ?BTB: 018: Self-Pleasure.?

Happy Monday everyone!!?@OnlyAtElon?#onlyelon?#selfpleasure?

? hanna wentz (@hannawentz)?November 18, 2013? ? Read more »