Wednesday nightCap

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Concealed Carry – The Guitar Case

hat tip the Firearms Blog

I am a big fan of weapons. Always loved them, always owned them. Big believer in peace through superior firepower.

This is the ultimate though in concealed carry. A Guitar Case

The Ultimate in Concealed Carry

The Ultimate in Concealed Carry


Orcon – the dark-side

I received an email today about orcon that contradicts my superb service, here it is in its entireity.


I am going through hell with Orcon and I thought you might like to post this as a counterpoint to your standard Orcon lickspittle stuff.

I live in a house with a shared internet connection and unfortunately, some of the other ‘key stakeholders’ got it in to their heads that switching from the largely reliable Telecom service we enjoyed to unknown and untested Orcon.

Orcon is a company that has assiduously created the impression it is a small time, niche corporation that has it’s customers at heart. This in contrast to the heartless, faceless evil corporation all of the hip, anti-establishment kiddies love to hate: Telecom. It was a strategy masterminded by Orcon founder Seeby Woodhouse, who now funds his infamous KFC Party Pack breakfasts by guilting the same young hipsters in to buying bullshit carbon credits.

Selling carbon credits is a lot like selling the shithouse, third world service Orcon provides. You rely on creating the warm fuzzies at the point of sale, then once you have the mug’s money, it’s all over. When you sign up to Orcon, you get some dipshit, spotty-faced teenager slouch up to your door and hand deliver a welcome pack. The purpose of this is clear. Orcon wants to let you know it has a face. Orcon wants to let you know – as Faith no More would say – We Care a Lot.

To be honest, the product was fine to start with, comparable to Telecom. The difference came when there was (in fact, there still is) a problem. Last Thursday, my laptop was slowed to dial up speeds but all of the other computers on the network were fine. This was interesting because my laptop performed fine on the office network, hinting it may not be a hardware problem but anyway, I called a technician and arranged for me to drop off my Macbook Pro with him for a range of hardware tests.

He confirmed there were no problems with the hardware so I picked up my laptop and went back to work on Friday afternoon. I work some pretty funny hours so I wasn’t home that night until eleven but thought that wouldn’t be a problem. Telecom, through the clever use of international call centres, was able to provide me absolutely top quality tech support 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Telecom’s critics would now point out that if you call Telecom’s helpline, you end up talking to someone with a funny accent and a strange name in another country. Oh noes!

Anyway, Orcon has made a point of selling itself as the Kiwi telecomms company and when I called their helpdesk, it was definitely a Kiwi voice on the other end. Unfortunately, it was also a pre-recorded voice telling me they shut up shop at 10:30 every night so I hung up, cursing and swearing at Orcon’s failure to compare.

So, I went to bed and went to work the next morning. I made a point of getting home at 7:30 so I could sort things out. By the time I had fixed up some dinner and slipped in to something more comfortable it was about quarter past eight. So I called Orcon, expecting to finally get some service. NOT!

It turns out I didn’t listen to the message properly. Orcon shut up shop at 10:30 on weeknights, but 8 on weekends. Frustrated, I hung up again and sat back down to my dial up internet. Just to inject a bit of background here, I do freelance graphic design work so often need to send and receive some pretty large files – it’s not really an option for me to be cut down to dial up.

I finally managed to get through on Sunday but the service was truly atrocious. People complain about Telecom callcentre staff being a little bit unclear, but the creature at the slack jawed yokel I had at the other end of the phone was unbelievable. I have a lot of time for people who are learning – or struggling to learn – English as a second language. I don’t have any time for scum who pass up 13 years of free education and refuse to develop basic language skills in their first language.

To make things worse, it sounded like there was a stereo blaring out Eminem in the background of the Orcon tech support centre but anyway, about five minutes in to the call, yokel was unable to help me and said he would get one of his colleagues working in the wireless section of the tech support centre in five to ten minutes.

So, 45 minutes later, I get a call back from a new person – this time, one who had developed basic language skills. So, I described all of the symptoms to him and he insisted it was a hardware problem. I explained I had already spoke to a technician and that my laptop was working fine on other networks but he wouldn’t give in. After thirty minutes of back and forth, he agreed to pass me on to someone else who finally agreed it was probably a network problem but that they couldn’t help me because there wasn’t anyone there who knew that much about Macs.

Sorry, what was that? Orcon, supposedly “the only totally Mac-friendly NZ service provider” who made a point of “supporting the mac community” was unabe to help a Mac user? Instead I was given a guarentee that someone would get back to me in the next fourty eight hours.

48 hours passed. I called them on Wednesday morning to ask why no one had gotten in touch – it turns out the call was never logged! At this stage, apopolectic, I demanded they send a technician around to sort things out and they said someone would be in touch in 72 hours and – here’s the kicker – they would be from Telecom’s Chorus!

So a week on, after having spent too much timing listening to out-of-hours recorded messages and fuckwit tech support staff explain how incompetent they are, I am still stuck on dial up.

Fuck you very much Orcon!Zemanta Pixie

Customer Service Stories, one good and one bad

Dell SucksToday I have had a couple of customer services stories that I thought I would share. Both are technology related so appropriate to blog about.

The first is about my telecom’s provider Orcon.

I switched to Orcon which proved to be the most painless switch from one provider to another I have ever experienced. I have already blogged about that. I was also gobsmacked to have one of the lovely Orcon Girls also come around and enquire how the swap had gone. Again gobsmacked….here was a company that appeared to truly love its customer.

Then I was called up by Orcon to say that our DSLAM in Howick had been upgraded and I could now have broadband at “full noise”, not only that the plan they offered was cheaper and bigger!!!! I am now raving about Orcon to everyone I meet.

Today in the mail I received a letter from Orcon, again thanking me for swapping and providing a handy little card with all my details on it should I need assistance. Right now not likely as they seem to be able to read my mind. Included with the letter was also a Orcon customer card which entitles me to a 2 for 1 movie pass at SkyCity Cinemas for w WHOLE year. Now, with two kids in the household this little card is worth Gold.

Orcon rocks, everyone should swap to them for phone, internet, everything. Big ups to Orcon for outstanding customer service.

Now to the second tale. This one ain’t happy.

I recently had the misfortune to experience Dell‘s customer service. The old man had a PC that finally shit itself after gentle coaxing for several years. He had previously replaced other PCs at the business with Dell machines which by and large work fine. Most of his IT problems arise from a series of Chair-2-Keyboard Interface problems that largely resolve themselves when the interface gets the sack.

Anyway the fault with the old shitter was terminal so it was decided to replace it. Onto Dell’s website we go, see a great deal, then enter confirm, customise, confirm, press this, then that customer hell otherwise known as Dell’s online purchasing system. FFS to process the credit card took more than 5 screens!!! So far so good though.

Email arrives says shipping in 2-3 days, here is your invoice, so far so good. Then today Dell lost a customer and that customer has a son with a popular blog and so now Dell has a PR disaster on its hands.

Another email arrived. It was polite, it thanked the old man for his purchase and then it told him that his 2-3 days had slipped to 2-3 weeks……maybe. Faaaaaaaarc!

His p.a. tried in vain to ring Dell….that’s if it is indeed Dell after traversing several time zones and countries. The call I think went from New Zealand to Australia to India and finally to Malaysia. They were all terribly sorry but……

Well I’m terribly sorry but what sort of global organisation takes orders for products with out inventory checking? It is basic, simple, standard business practice and Dell sucks at it.

In this day and age it is simply unacceptable to have a 2-3 week delay for ANYTHING purchased of a website let alone from one of the icons of the information age. On this performance if I held Dell stock I would be dumping it, they are fucked for sure if this bullshit keeps up.

After yours truly trotted down the road and got a deal on a brand spanking new HP of better spec the old man then ventured into Dell Call Centre hell and told them to jam it. I believe he also told them to read sometime today.

So if you are thinking of setting up an online company and actually truly love your customers then follow the business practices of Orcon and avoid those of Dell like we all want to avoid cancer.

Dell you suck, though I can be bribed into feeling better about you.

Zemanta Pixie

A Customer Service Story

Orcon babesThis is a story about customer service.

One night I was chatting online with another member of the VRWC about dsl speeds, he told me about his recent change to Orcon. He was lsaying me as a TelstraClear customer and certainly more than could be explined by the fact her was lterally 15m from a DSLam.

I though about this a bit because I have been a TelstraClear customer since they were Clear and because I believed in the market economy and hated Telecom like I hate cancer.

Still after being a TelstraClear customer forever I had never had ANY feel good customer service and as fee paying customer I like to be loved.

So I did the sums and it also turned out that Orcon was offering me a great deal (Platinum). More internet bandwidth for cheaper, unlimited national calls and national rates to any country of my choice. Considering my sister now lives in Australia with my beautiful niece that one was a no brainer.

So anyway I filled out the online form, three days later my new router arrived and and 24 hours after that the cutover happened.

No pain, no fuss, no muss.

So what you say. Well here is the customer service bit. On Saturday a lovely lass from Orcon fronted at the door, unfortunately she didn’t quite appear to be one of the famous Orcon girls however she did have an envelope for me. A rather fancy envelope complete with a wax seal to thank me for transfering to them and becoming a customer.

Good grief, being thanked for being a customer, wonders will never cease. I am now very pre-disposed to Orcon. Now if they would just like to sponsor Whaleoil I will be in Whale heaven.