Relationships

Is there a Happy Ending? Hollywood versus Life

by Gavin

In the movies and many made for TV programmes, there is rapprochement between sons and their fathers, often on the deathbed. There is closure and acceptance, a final peace.

In real life this is not often the case. My father died last year after a 3 year battle with emphysema. He slowly withered over 3 years until his heart gave out. It was sudden and painless which was the best way for him to go.

About a month before he went, we drove down to see him. I was between contracts so had some time and had decided to walk the last mile with him and if he wanted, hold his hand at the end so he could have the love of his family with him as he went to wherever people go when they die.

But, this is where real life separates from idealised make-believe, as seen on TV. After a 4 hour drive to get there on a wet Friday afternoon we all sat down for a drink and a chat. He started to rip into me for not doing some things differently. I have burned into my brain his face turning purple as he gasped for air shaking his 84 year finger at me in rebuke and pouring out his venom. It would have been comical if it was not so real.

I was worried he was going to keel over on the spot he was getting so worked up. My wife was surprised at his venomous outburst and rather shocked. My mum attempting to sooth the waters said don’t worry dear he doesn’t mean it; it’s just the medication making him irritable.

Sometime later that evening in the quiet of our room I was talking with my wife and had a realisation. I had been there before. This is how he was 50 years ago when I was a child. He had always been this way. He had just removed the veneer of respectability as he got closer to death. This was the old man I knew and had grown up with.

We had never got along very well. My world was different from his and he never respected or understood mine and would often criticise or condemn my efforts without enough knowledge to hold a reasonable opinion. Read more »

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Photo Of The Day

Marie Curie - portrait of the French scientist, pioneer in the fields of radiation, radioactivity and ... French physicists Paul Langevin.

Marie Curie – portrait of the French scientist, pioneer in the fields of radiation, radioactivity and … French physicists Paul Langevin.

The Secret Passions of Marie Curie

Madame Curie, the discoverer of radium and of polonium, was a woman of passion. The popular view of her life is a tale of almost elemental force of character.

Marie Skłodowska-Curie, the famous female scientist whose death was caused by her own radioactive endeavors, was involved in a highly publicized affair after her husband, Pierre Curie, died in a carriage accident in 1906. One of Pierre’s former students, Paul Langevin had been sharing a “love nest” with the mother of two. The affair was busted when Paul’s wife hired a man to investigate the happenings of her husband, breaking into their Parisian apartment and stealing letters that were then leaked to the press.

The French newspapers contrived various accusations regarding Marie, calling her a home-wrecker and a “seductive Jew, even though she wasn’t Jewish.” Paul came to her defense, as well as Albert Einstein. Although Einstein was trying to stick up for Marie, his comment was quite rude, saying Curie “has a sparkling intelligence, but despite her passionate nature, she is not attractive enough to represent a threat to anyone.” Although Einstein wasn’t anything to drool over, either, somehow, he was notorious for reeling in lots of ladies.

In November 1911, Curie was weeks away from being awarded the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. She received her first Nobel in 1903 for Physics, and the new award meant that she was the first person ever to receive two Prizes. She remains the only person to be recognized in two different sciences. Though her extraordinary work as a scientist should have been all anyone cared about, it seemed that many were preoccupied with her personal life.

Pierre Curie died in 1906, leaving Marie as a widow. A few years later, she became romantically involved with physicist Paul Langevin, who had been a doctoral student of Pierre’s. Though Langevin was separated from his wife, they were still technically married. The relationship caused troubles in the Langevin home, but that was nothing compared to what was about to spill over into the public eye.

Curie, Langevin, and about 20 other scientists were invited to an elite, invitation-only conference in Brussels in the fall of 1911. During this time, love letters between Curie and Langevin had been given to members of the media by Langevin’s wife, who portrayed Curie as an evil homewrecker.

Read more »

Let’s talk about marriage

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Nicholas and Rafaela Ordaz, from California, had a double party last weekend to mark their 82nd wedding anniversary and Nicholas turning 102.

When we read about couples who have been married for a long time they are rarely investigative, in-depth articles. I wish these would be written as we would all benefit from learning the secrets of a long and successful marriage. Unfortunately stories like these tend to be summed  up with a flippant few words. In the case of the above couple, the  secret of their success was distilled down to…

respect, affection and not sweating the small stuff.

-stuff

In today’s throwaway society we need more of a guideline than that. Marriages have gone the way of food. No longer do we expect full course meals; we are happy to settle for takeaways.  When Cam and I got married he mentioned in his speech the statistics for marriage. The odds were not in our favour.  He stated his intention to beat those odds.

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We had both attended friends’ marriages before our own. What surprised both of us was the content of their vows. One line that stuck with me was the vow to ‘walk beside you in life’.  What did that mean? What kind of promise was that? I was only 23 but I knew that it would take a lot more than walking beside someone in life for a marriage to make it. In our vows we promised to turn every difficulty into a stepping stone to a deeper love. They were brave words but ones we never lost sight of, though we did forget them for many years and focused on just surviving instead.

Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

Faces of the day

Del and Mary PHOTO -realsimple.com

Mary L. Tabor and Del Persinger. Married 26 years PHOTO -realsimple.com

 

Today’s faces of the day are a real couple who faced serious struggles in their marriage and emerged stronger and happier in the end. Some times you have to lose something in order to value it again. It is inspiring to read about ordinary couples who almost lost each other but found a way to re connect and get back to each other.


Mary was still in her nightgown and robe, sipping a cappuccino in the kitchen of the Washington, D.C., brownstone she shared with her husband, Del, when he walked in and announced he wanted to live alone. They had been married for 21 years.

Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

Because nagging

Apparently we are all a bit afraid of telling the better half about poor investment decisions or losing money.

The article comes up with some reasons but they all mis the real reason we are a bit squeamish about fessing up.

When former Oasis front-man Noel Gallagher lost millions of dollars trying to set up his solo music career it took him a whole year to tell his wife.

Most of us don’t have that kind of money to lose or spend but the angst of telling the other half can be just as difficult. Clinical psychologist and senior lecturer at AUT University, Mark Thorpe, says there is no cook-book recipe as to why some people lie or try to hide their spending because it comes down to what money means to that person and what it represents in the relationship. “It’s a very loaded thing.” Thorpe said many people had a strong connection between love and money. But for others it also represented care, security, safety or dependence.

Read more »

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Photo Of The Day

Photo: Cosmin Bumbut

Photo: Cosmin Bumbut

Where Romanian Prisoners Have Sex

 If you’ve been wondering how married Eastern European prisoners have sex, you can stop. For his latest project, titled The Intimate Room, photographer Cosmin Bumbut spent the past four years visiting 35 penitentiaries across Romania – including juvenile detention centres and prison hospitals – photographing the rooms built for conjugal visits.

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Death by E-mail

We have all experienced it. That moment when you read an e-mail and react emotionally to it. Some of us immediately send off a reply while still in the throes of anger. Others sit on it a while and carefully craft a reply. Very few of us pick up the phone or go to the person directly and ask them if our interpretation of what they were implying in the e-mail was correct.

Upsetting e-mail

Upsetting e-mail

The problem is tone, as we have no way of telling what it actually is from the words on the screen. It is left to us to add the tone and depending on our mood at the time and many other factors we can easily get it wrong. In my personal experience when that happens it is all down hill from there. People feel free to say things in an e-mail when they are angry that they would never ever have the balls to say to your face.

In the past I had a relationship seriously damaged because the only way the person would communicate with me was by e-mail. Once the flame war started there seemed to be no way to put it out. No matter how carefully I crafted my replies I was perceived as being hostile and to be fair I felt that the replies to me were incredibly hostile and nasty as well. Eventually I decided that I would only make matters worse by continuing so I just stopped.

Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

Could this be like Len Brown?

I forgot my phone

Chart of the Day

Cactus Kate referenced it, some people have been asking about it. It is the Half plus Seven Rule for Relationships:

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.