Satire

Ladybird books guide to feminism: Part three

Continuing the guide from yesterday

The colour of patriarchy is pink

Modern Feminists know that the world is run by men and that this is called ‘Patriarchy’.

Patriarchy works by teaching girls to become servants of men when they grow up.

Patriarchy uses dolls and the colour pink to trick girls. Girls who wear pink and play with dolls never grow up to be scientists or doctors.

Some girls are forced to wear pink clothes. Feminists have noticed that these girls become servants of men.

Women scientists didn’t play with dolls when they were girls.

Top tips for harmonious living

Feminists have realised that modern society can be a daunting place. They provide advice and guidance to make it easier to survive.

Read more »

In solidarity with the those in the world’s most despised demographic, WH has decided to ‘come out’ as an old white male. WH enjoys exercising the white-male privilege that Whaleoil provides for him by writing the occasional post challenging climate change consensus; looking at random tech issues that tweak his interest, as a bit of a tech nerd; or generally poking the borax at anyone in public life who goes on record revealing their stupidity. WH never excelled on the sports field because his coaches never allowed him to play in his preferred position on the right-wing. WH also enjoys his MG.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

Ladybird books guide to feminism: Part Two

Continuing the guide from yesterday.

 

Everyday sexism

In the olden days, sexism was part of everyday life. Men made jokes about their mothers-in-law and they wolf-whistled at the secretaries as they walked past in the office.

Nowadays, laptops have replaced the secretaries and laptops do not respond well to wolf-whistling.

Lots of people’s bosses are, in fact, women and whistling has proved disastrous during appraisals and during company meetings.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

Ladybird books guide to feminism: Part One

In the olden days women fought for freedom

In the olden days, women’s rights campaigners fought for freedom.

Suffragettes fought for women’s right to vote. ‘Women’s libbers’ fought for equal pay an end to a life ‘tied to the kitchen sink’.

Tough women, like Sylvia Pankhurst, campaigned for equality and demanded liberty.

Nowadays, Modern Feminists have discovered that women are, in fact, ‘vulnerable’. They have decided that the world is dangerous for women. Feminists want women to be supported and protected.

Sylvia Pankhurst campaigning on the streets of East London

#Hashtag Feminism

In olden days, Suffragettes chained themselves to fences and threw themselves in front of horses to fight for equal rights for women.

Today, Modern Feminists show their bravery in different ways.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

Ladybird books guide to left-wing people: Part 2

Marama Davis and Golriz Ghahraman

Left-wing people care more than other people

Left-wing people care so much that they love the whole entire planet. Other people don’t care about the planet, they only care about themselves and other people that they know. This means that left-wing people have to love the planet, even more, than they actually like other people.

Left-wing people show that they care by telling other people about how much they care. They send special “I care” signals to other people. Forwarding videos on Facebook is one way that they can show how much they care. The videos often show people far away who are living miserable lives, but pictures of cute fluffy chickens in nasty factories are considered sufficient.

Left-wing activists (see below) are very helpful. They make lots of “I care” videos which makes it quick and easy for left-wing people to send their “signals”. They do this several times throughout each day when they are not busy.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

Catwalk Models 2.0

*Satire

In solidarity, with the enlightened organisers of Miss America, 2.0 fashion designers around the world have come together to ensure that fashion models are no longer selected on the basis of their looks.

A spokesperson for the consortium of designers, which to date has backing from: Cocoa Chunnel, Donna Karbab, Gogo Arminarmi, Kelvin Clean, Don’cha tella Archie, Rough Laurence, Christian Door and Timid Ford, said that the concept of supermodels and catwalk models selected simply for their appearance on the catwalk was no longer appropriate in the 21st century.

Read more »

In solidarity with the those in the world’s most despised demographic, WH has decided to ‘come out’ as an old white male. WH enjoys exercising the white-male privilege that Whaleoil provides for him by writing the occasional post challenging climate change consensus; looking at random tech issues that tweak his interest, as a bit of a tech nerd; or generally poking the borax at anyone in public life who goes on record revealing their stupidity. WH never excelled on the sports field because his coaches never allowed him to play in his preferred position on the right-wing. WH also enjoys his MG.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

Ladybird books guide to left-wing people: Part 1

Olden days

In the olden days, left-wing people used to like working-class people.

Lots of left-wing people used to be working-class people. These people were known as socialists and joined trade unions.

Sometimes working-class people used to frighten left-wing people, but they pretended that they weren’t frightened and were nice to them.

Left-wing people supported working-class people, gave them money, sat in rooms with them and wore badges to show that they cared more than right-wing people, who wore ties instead of badges and didn’t care.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

The Ladybird Books guide to the Greens: Part 2

Continuing Andy’s guest post from yesterday.

Why are Green ideas fashionable now?

People used to think about which is the right way to improve the lives of people. They argued about capitalism and communism and nationalism and socialism. All the “isms” were arguments about the future for people.

The Greens believe that people are the problem and that the planet needs to be saved from people. As the leaders stopped believing in the future for people, the Green idea became increasingly attractive to them. The leaders now have a cause that casts them as saviours without having to offer an attractive future for people. This was perfect for the leaders and the Greens.

All the leaders who used to talk about isms, now talk about the planet. Now they just compete with each other to be seen as the leader to save it.

The world leaders have big meetings to talk about carbon dioxide, not solving poverty or creating peace and stability or making the world a better place.

The Greens should be happy, but they are still sad and grumpy. They are always sad and grumpy because they don’t like other people at all. The Greens have a burning sense of injustice because they don’t feel part of the modern world and they want to destroy it.

The Greens like to pretend that they are leaders of a popular movement. But, most people ignore them. To look busy and to pretend that they have lots of supporters, Green activists dress up in gory suits and perform stunts for the news cameras.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

The Ladybird books guide to the Greens: Part 1

Who are the Greens?

People who love the planet earth are called Environmentalists or Greens.

Greens believe that the planet earth is being destroyed and everyone needs to work together to save it.

Greens think that people are bad and the planet is good. Some Greens call people a “cancer” on the earth.

Natural is good.

The Greens believe that things that are already on the earth are “natural”. The Greens like natural things.

This includes trees, whales, snow leopards, icebergs, oceans, rainbows and lots more. Viruses, genetic defects, disease-carrying mosquitos, illness and death are all natural too. The Greens don’t mention these much.

The Greens believe that people are destroying nature when they make their lives better. Lots of people have better lives by using things made by modern science and technology.

The Greens don’t like modern things. They call them “un-natural”.

Read more »

A guest post submitted to Whaleoil and edited by Whaleoil staff.

Guest Post content does not necessarily reflect the views of the site or its editor. Guest Post content is offered for discussion and for alternative points of view.

Listen to this post:
Tagged:

The secret diary of Trevor Mallard

Credit: Luke

Monday

Dear Diary it really annoys me that none of the  National party members will admit that one of them called the Prime Minister a silly little girl. It is totally unacceptable that they should get away with such a derogatory and sexist statement and I simply will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.

Quite frankly the behaviour of some of the National ministers is completely off the rails. That Judith Collins, for example, is a complete attack dog.

Tuesday

Dear Diary

I read Hansard and there is no record of anyone saying that the Prime Minister is a silly little girl. I am not worried though as it will all have been caught on video and then I will out the culprit.

I was watching a game show the other night and the weirdest thing happened. They said that the contestant had the chance to win a new toy Yoda. What was all that about? I expected a car at the very least.

Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

Tagged:

Secret diary of Simon Bridges

National leader Simon Bridges

Monday:

Dear Diary

I have a dirty little secret. I try to hide it but I have a sense of humour. I know I shouldn’t and as the leader of New Zealand’s largest centre-left party, I know that it is wrong. I know this because that lovely Golriz Ghahraman explained to me why it is wrong to laugh at minorities.

It is hard though, really hard, since the government is a coalition of minorities.

Heh, I made a joke.

Shhhh it will be our little secret…

Read more »

If you agree with me that’s nice, but what I really want to achieve is to make you question the status quo, look between the lines and do your own research. Do not be a passive observer in this game we call life.

You can follow me on Gab.ai 

Listen to this post:
Tagged: