Secret Diary of Comrade Simon

The Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon, Ctd

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Terrible weekend, had to spend it with a bunch of bloody tories in the town hall in Wellington.

The only intelligent discussions I had all weekend were with the cleaning staff and the dustman on the streets when I was out for my early morning run. Nats says that all those Bellamys pies are showing on the middle. Little does she know that those are union approved pies.

Some old duck came up to me and told me I reminded her of Winston in his younger days. Silly old cow didn’t recognise I am much, much taller than Winston. And better looking. And that old bastard Bob Jones has been having a go at me for not speaking properly.  Read more »

The Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon, Ctd

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After having such a good week last week and managing to postpone any nasty Tory changes to employment legislation until after the election this week has been truly awful.

My dear and underappreciated friend Carol (That blogster Whaleoil nastily calls her Caropotamus) was given such a terrible list position she will never be returning to parliament. The poor soul was devastated, and rightly so as there are so few good working stock people left in Labour who know how to properly stand up for the working man. And woman.

Poor Carol was feeling very cruelly treated so I took some time out of my hectic schedule to take her to the day spa we share. She had let her self go in the last few weeks and her nails really needed doing, not to mention her eyebrows. It is hard to point this out to a woman, even if she is emancipated, especially when you have perfect eyebrows like me.  Read more »

The secret diaries of Comrade Simon, Ctd

Continuing on from the Secret Diaries of Comrade Kate we can now bring you the Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon.

Bad day.

With all this budget stuff I thought I might get a break from being pestered about the employment law reforms I have been stalling.

Some obnoxious twerp came up to me today and was badgering me so much I gave him a piece of my mind.  Read more »

The secret diaries of Comrade Simon, Ctd

commies copy

Continuing on from the Secret Diaries of Comrade Kate we can now bring you the Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon.

Bad day. Went out on my usual early morning run and had a pleasant chat to some street cleaners outside the Intercontinental who thanked me for all the great work I was doing and invited me along to their next sing along. Then I was accosted by some fat rich prick smoking a cigar who told me I was a disgrace for not doing anything to reform New Zealand’s employment laws.

As if I would, if I didn’t stand up for the oppressed working class who would?  
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The Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon

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Bad Day. That bloody Australian Norman was having a go at me about that forest I didn’t read about.

He reminds me so much of Ronald McDonald. Clown. It is so hard to deal with those hippies, they are not at all like the street cleaners I met out on my before dawn run.

Good, rustic folk who know the value of a fair days pay for a fair days work, even if they smell a bit.   Read more »

The Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon

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Better day, was having a caucus photo and managed to stand next to Foss and Woodhouse. They make me look tall even if I am not wearing the lifts Winston’s shoe maker makes me.

People seem to think Winston bears a grudge about me winning Tauranga against him, but he is actually a good man who has helped my political career rise above others. And I am way taller than Winston anyway.   Read more »

The Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon

Continuing on from the Secret Diaries of Comrade Kate we can now bring you the Secret Diaries of Comrade Simon.

commies copy

Bad day. God I hate hippies.

Those smelly scum seem so worried about the environment that they don’t realise the stunning work I have been doing for the underprivileged and the workers of this country.

They are all ansty because they didn’t realise I was too busy to read some silly report about drilling in a forest. Don’t they realise we have more forests than we need, and signing off on drilling in a forest I didn’t read about was because I was too busy protecting workers rights?  Read more »