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Who wants to sit by an obese man ‘the size of an infant hippopotamus’?

"What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight?"

“What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight?”

Every time I travel I sit on planes praying that the fatties coming down the aisle just keep on moving…I shudder to think about how some of them even manage to sit down, let alone use a tray table.

If they have to use a seat belt extension I think they are probably too large to travel. Have a thought about this poor bastard then.

As rage letters go, they don’t come much more furious than the epistle sent to an Australian airline by a passenger seated next to a man as big as ‘an infant hippopotamus’ and who smelled like ‘blue cheese’ and a ‘Mumbai slum’.

Traveller Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $A25 (£13.50) for an exit row seat, expecting to travel from Perth to Sydney with more room than a normal economy seat.

But he found himself seated beside an obese man, leaving him to feel that he was pinned to his seat ‘by a fleshy boulder.’

When he tried to change seats, he found those that were empty were taken by passengers who had stretched themselves out to lie in comfort.

Mr Wisken returned to his exit row seat and ‘it was then I realised that my fate was sealed.

‘I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning.’

It might be gathered by now that Mr Wisken was not at all happy with the four-and-a-half-hour flight and has penned a furious letter to the airline, Jetstar, a subsidiary of Qantas.

Of course it was Jetstar.

What made his ordeal worse was to find that two days later a flight to Melbourne he’d book with the airline was cancelled, as was a rescheduled flight.

On his third attempt, the flight was delayed for two hours.

On receiving his angry, but humorous, letter of complaint, Jetstar emailed him with an offer of a $A100 (£54) voucher in compensation, Sydney’s Daily Telegraph reports today.

‘Awesome work, Jetstar!’ he wrote.

‘Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You’re so lucky that my favourite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports.

‘Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn’t LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I’d hate to be that guy…’

This is the start of his email to Jetstar.

Dear Jetstar…

Do you like riddles? I do, that’s why I’m starting this letter with one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about, what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What’s fat as f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a Jetstar flight? That’s right, it’s the man I sat next to under on my flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Switch on!

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

What Cunliffe gets up to after conferences

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Planking is dead, welcome Dragon Ball attack

Planking was…well…lame…check out these from Japan…the latest craze sweeping Japan…staging Dragon Ball attacks:

ku-xlarge-1

Numerous Japanese teens, it seems, are uploading photos of themselves doing the Kamehameha attack from popular manga and anime series Dragon Ball.

Many of the photos, which also could be influenced by these floating pics, were uploaded to Twitter within the last week or so. On Twitter, Japanese teens are saying that this is how they’ve recently been goofing off with friends.

During the 1980s, when the Dragon Ball anime was on primetime television, kids would unleash Kamehameha attacks on each for fun at school or in the park. The difference here is that teens these days can snap digital photos and upload them for instant internet fame.

Read more »

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Tagged:

TV Theme song causes school emergency shutdown

I don’t want to spoil it.  Just watch

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

It doesn’t happen often, but I’m genuinely lost for words here

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Every car should have these to deal with cyclists

Which kind of leads to this, via the tipline   Read more »

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.

Kevin O'Lemon

Tears are still rolling down my face.

As much at home writing editorials as being the subject of them, Cam has won awards, including the Canon Media Award for his work on the Len Brown/Bevan Chuang story. When he’s not creating the news, he tends to be in it, with protagonists using the courts, media and social media to deliver financial as well as death threats.

They say that news is something that someone, somewhere, wants kept quiet. Cam Slater doesn’t do quiet and, as a result, he is a polarising, controversial but highly effective journalist who takes no prisoners.

He is fearless in his pursuit of a story.

Love him or loathe him, you can’t ignore him.