The Whaleoil Dictionary

18 August 2016 Edition – Draft

 

A Serious Journalist Referral to Rachel Smalley who upon starting working at NewstalkZB described herself as “…the only serious journalist who works there.”

 

A face I could punch all day long A phrase commonly put after the name of someone who WO doesn’t like. For example, Nicky Hager has a face I could punch all day long.

 

A face like a gum digger’s dog A phrase commonly put after the name of someone who isn’t good looking.

 

A.B.C CLUB Anyone But Cunliffe, as in to lead the Labour party.

 

Ardern Fanciers’ Club Labour party supporters who think that Jacinda Ardern is leadership material.

 

A Newspaper A nickname for The Herald newspaper that was created when it stopped acknowledging quotes and articles it used from WO. Instead of saying “blogger Cameron Slater said” it would say “a blogger said”. Instead of saying “an article on Whaleoil” it would say “a blog post”. In response, Whaleoil stopped acknowledging all Herald content, instead crediting it as coming from “a newspaper”.

 

Angry Andy A nickname coined for Andrew Little after an angry outburst soon after he was made leader where he told John Key to “ Cut the crap! “

 

Big Sugar A reference to the food industry who are now under attack by academics just like so called “Big Tobacco”. WO predicted years ago that this would happen.

 

Big Pharma A reference to the drug company lobbyists who were hosted at a special dinner by Labour leader Andrew Little, months before Labour announced its stance to override Pharmac and fund melanoma drug Keytruda.

 

Blog of the damned A rival right leaning blog where banned commenters go to whine.

 

Cat fancier, arts, lifestyle and travel blogger  Nickname for Kiwiblog blogger David Farrar

 

CGT Capital gains tax

 

Cock Tax Term for a man who is paying child support or paying out their spouse after a separation.

 

Chardonnay socialist A rich out of touch person who believes they can solve all the worlds problems as long as they don’t have to spend any of their own money or even follow the rules they would set out.

 

Churnalist A journalist who churns out news stories. This has a similar meaning to “Repeater” but refers to stories being pumped out as quickly as possible resulting in factual,spelling and grammar errors.

 

Crusher Nickname for Judith Collins who was the face of the National Party policy to punish repeat boy -racer offenders by crushing their cars.

 

Crybaby of the Week Any individual who has run to the media to complain about something they don’t like or are unhappy about. Similar to “pimping the poor”.

 

Cuddling crims A description of any policy, or politician, that is concerned with the happiness or rights of criminals. A well-known crim-cuddler is Labour politician Kelvin Davis.

 

Dancing on the head of a pin To make a much bigger deal about something than can be warranted reasonably; to use a tiny notion of a whiff of possibility and present it as solid evidence.

 

David “tainted” Fisher  Infamous nickname for journalist David Fisher who took money from Kim Dotcom  to write a book about him while simultaneously writing  positive news stories about him for his employer The Herald.

 

Diddums A word first made famous by Helen Clark. WO uses it in response to any complaints from the left side of politics.

 

Dodgy Socialist Dam A dam that the Hawkes Bay Regional Council has been trying to fund since 2014 because Trustpower and Ngai Tahu pulled out saying the risks were too high and the returns too low.

 

Explaining is losing A famous WO saying meaning that if a politician is having to explain their words or actions then they are already losing credibility. This saying reflects the belief that politicians are more respected for standing their ground. Also see The Rules of politics. This is rule no.1

 

Fat-bastard tax A tax on an overweight person instead of on so-called unhealthy foods. For example, a fat-bastard tax on passengers on a plane would mean that they are charged extra for every kilo they are over the average body weight, in the same way they are charged for extra luggage. Alternatively, they could be charged (to avoid embarrassment) for the total combined weight of themselves and their luggage.

 

Feral Someone who acts in a non-civilised way. A famous example was the West Coast man who drove his car while drunk, smashed into the bedroom of a house and killed his friend who was a passenger.

 

Figjam (F* I’m Good, Just Ask Me) Nickname of Simon Power, a former New Zealand politician. He was a member of the National party and became Minister of Justice in the 2008-2011 National-led government.

 

FIFO Fit in or f* off.

 

Flip flop This refers to a political party or politician changing their stance on something.

 

He irons his shirt with a wok A phrase that means the person is overweight

 

He has the body of a half sucked throatie  A phrase that means he is very thin and without muscles.

 

Hit Job A term describing an attack on another political party, ( usually using the MSM or a political blog to get the message out.) A hit job is one where there is separation between the source of the story and the media that runs the story. For example the Labour Party have asked via e-mail for Labour supporters to send them examples of personal problems with education or housing and then a week or so later negative stories about those topics appear in the MSM as if the people who complained came directly to them instead of to the Labour Party.

 

I have the body of a finely tuned athlete  A humorous way of saying that you are overweight

 

Left-wing tears of impotent rage  A phrase used when celebrating  a Whaleoil triumph.  It means we have succeeded in upsetting people on the left and there is nothing they can do about it. (  Apart from creating a conspiracy to hack us in an attempt to subvert an election of course)

 

Lycra Force Field The magical force field that protects Lycra-clad cyclists from harm because they think that the road rules do not apply to them. Examples include cyclists who run red lights and get hit as a result.

 

Karori Bill Nickname for Bill English

 

Manban The Labour party proposed an enforced 50% female quota, which would have meant the forced ejection of a number of male MPs. WO coined the phrase manban (or man ban), which was adopted by the media.

 

Man-card Term used for when someone (usually a man, also Dog-card) does something usually considered unmanly. I.e; buys a pink car or eats tofu or mungbeans.

 

Martyn Martin Bradbury A nickname coined for blogger Martyn Bradbury after WO revealed that he was enrolled to vote under two different names on the electoral roll for the last two elections. He was enrolled as both Martyn Bradbury and Martin Bradbury.

 

Mr Jan Trotman Nickname for Winston Peters

 

Mr X is Colin Craig and the interviewer who interviewed Colin Craig, who was also Colin Craig. Mr X and the interviewer were in a pamphlet posted out to every home in New Zealand by Colin Craig. The interviewer interviewed Mr X and the transcript of the conversation between Mr X and the interviewer was in the pamphlet. Mr X used foul language and refered to Cameron as Cam.

 

Colin Craig told the media that Mr X was someone who knew Cameron Slater well. Media speculated about who Mr X was. Some thought he was Martyn Bradbury. Colin Craig was later forced to admit that Mr X was a made up persona and the interviewer who interviewed him was also himself. He called it creative licence. We call it defamation. Colin Craig has never met Cameron Slater.

 

New Zealand’s favourite Grandmother Nickname for Maggie Barry

 

Oilers One of a number of names for WO readers, followers and fans. (Alternates: Whale Army and Ground Crew)

 

Pinkos People on the left of politics who are not full-blown red communists; they are tinged with pink. Also the nickname for David Farrar as in “Pinko” Farrar.

 

Pimping the poor A popular meme created on WO for the discussion of articles in the media where a “poor person“ is found and used as an example of why the government is doing a bad job. A pimp sells his prostitutes and journalists sell these “poor me“ stories. Often a quick check of the ”poor person’s” Facebook page reveals holes in their stories of poverty.

 

Political retard A politician who has said or done something stupid politically.

Rules of politics, The rules as devised by Cam.

 

  1. If you are explaining, you are losing2. Utu is good, even necessary

    3. Never hug a corpse – it smells and you end up smelling like the corpse too

 

  1. Always know where the bodies are buried5. Don’t let mongrels get away with being mongrels

    6. Don’t mess with The Whale or Cactus Kate

    7. Never wrestle with pigs, two things are for certain if you do. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.

    8. Never ask a question if you don’t already know the answer

    9. Speak plain, Speak Simple

    10. Remember, I’m telling this story

    11. Never trust a politician if you aren’t close enough to them to hit them in the back of the head with a bit of 4×2

    12. Never trust a politician with a moustache or a hyphenated name.

 

Ratf**king  Undermining or ruining someone’s reputation. Not a personal profanity but an actual political term. Google it.

 

Rent-a-Quote Someone who will give a quote to the media that suits the media’s spin but that may in fact be the opposite of what the person has said previously. An example of this is economist Shamubeel Eaqub who gave two totally different views on renting; one positive and one negative.

 

Repeaters Journalists who print almost word for word the contents of press releases or other people’s work.

 

Right-wing Blogger Nickname for journalist Fran O’Sullivan

 

Road maggot Someone who rides a pushbike. A well-known example is Trevor Mallard. They are despised for not contributing to the cost of the roads, not being courteous to other road users and for looking silly in Lycra. (Alternate: Road lice)

 

SFNS (Silly First Name Syndrome) The theory, backed up by independent research, that people with unusual names are more likely to lead a troubled life through injury, incarceration or an early death.

 

Shifting the deckchairs on the Titanic On WO This usually refers to a reshuffle of political portfolios by a Leader that will make no difference whatsoever to the outcome. It refers to a political party being doomed no matter what changes they make.

 

Shine some sunlight  This  phrase means that Whale oil is going to investigate and reveal something that others would like to remain hidden in the darkness.

 

Silent T Derogatory nickname for Labour MP David Cunliffe suggesting there is a T in his surname after the n that isn’t pronounced, hence silent.

 

Socialist Cindy Nickname for Jacinda Ardern, Labour MP.

 

Sock puppet Someone who fires the shots for someone else. For example, if a WO reader said something complimentary about WO on a left-wing blog he/she might be accused of being a WO sock puppet. It is an insulting term because it insinuates that the person is not speaking as an individual, instead being controlled by someone else.

 

SOCKS Some Other C**t’s Kid. Coined in the earlier days of WO, now explained as Some Other Cad’s Kid. It’s the concept where a child is murdered or assaulted by man who is not the father but the mother has chosen to live with him, frequently placing her own needs and safety before the child or children.Tired and Emotional  A term used to describe someone (first used to describe MPs in the debating chamber) who is in actuality drunk or has been drinking.

 

The Bloggers’ Union A tongue-in-cheek response to an issue in the news to do with unions. WO announced its creation with great fanfare and was taken seriously. It retrospectively made all bloggers members as it believes in compulsory unionism.

 

The Ferald A combination of the word Feral and Herald to make a derogatory nickname for The Herald newspaper.

 

The Media party A WO meme to describe how the media act like a political party in opposition due to the woefully poor performance of the Labour party. It is a way of saying that, essentially, due to the gap left by an underperforming opposition, the MSM has stepped in to counter and criticise the government. They have made it their job so they have become a political party.

 

MSM Mainstream media

 

The Three Troughketeers

 

The vast right-wing conspiracy A creation of left-wing conspiracy theorists.The term is used regularly by WO which has made the description its own, much like homosexuals adopted the word gay.  Also abbreviated to VRWC.

 

Toxic the quality or state of being true.

 

” He was a toxic blogger not afraid to point out that the emperor had no clothes on.”

Synonyms: veracity, truthfulness, verity, sincerity, candour, honesty, genuineness

 

Trained And Skilled Is a condescending almost satirical term used to describe workers at initially The Herald but has been used to describe other journalists. Comes from when (****John Drinnan***?) tried to put cam in his place by stating that Cam isn’t “trained and skilled” like his employees

 

Trougher Any person who takes public money. This list includes public servants but is used in a derogatory sense when describing unwise, excessive or essentially personal spending of public money. Coined to invoke the idea that there is a trough full of “free” taxpayer money with the troughers surrounding it like greedy pigs competing to slobber up as much of it as they can. Some troughers are rewarded with a digitally altered photo where their nose is replaced by a pig’s snout.

 

Village of the Damned Christchurch

 

Weasel words Words that say little or don’t mean what they say. For example, “It is just more corporate weasel words with no promises for anything other than more weasel words and meetings.”

 

WO Abbreviation for Whaleoil or Whale Oil Beef Hooked, which is the full name of the blo

Wrongly Wrongson Martyn Bradbury, lead blogger at The Daily Blog and active political activist at the far left. He was so wrong about the 2014 election that none of his predictions came true, earning him the nickname.

 

 

 

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